What I've been missing out on... just venting I guess

I'm in a really controlling relationship, it's really taking a toll on my mental health. Before this, I DID have severe depression and anxiety.. but with this, it's gotten a lot worse. I've also been told I might be trauma bonded/ dependant. I honestly just feel so fucked up and stupid. Just stupid. Sometimes, I think though... I've missed a lot in a couple of years. I made the mistake of looking up my old high school and college friends on facebook and honest to God, they are ALL successful. All of them went to Univerisity or just completing, most of them look like they have good jobs, ect. And I'm sitting here just struggling to get through each day, forever indecisive, (having the feeling of) forever being stuck.

I'm not jealous bc I'm truly happy for my old friends to have been successful in their lives, but at the same time... I keep thinking I wish I did this, I wish I wouldn't have done that... that could have been me. And now I'm behind... now I feel like I have to catch up. What if I run into them one day? I don't want to embarrass myself...

Another thing, I don't know if the problem is ME in terms of my relationship or maybe its not...

Sorry for rambling on...