What a mess I am right now.
On the bright side, I'm not suicidal.
On the other hand, I can't do my job. I'm seeing a therapist and getting some support here but nothing from family, no "real life" friends to speak of (I'd tried to make some connections and everyone moved away), and I just don't feel like seeing people anyway. It's exhausting. (I spent all last week on a family reunion vacation avoiding people.) The thing I just realized is that there is absolutely nothing I'm looking forward to anymore. I just have a long list of obligations and things I'm dreading.
I wish I could sleep.
Maybe I'll feel better at some point. I've felt worse in the past and felt much better in between. Sorry for wasting your time if you've read this whining.
Everything you said is exactly how I feel right now. And to top it off my husband wants to split up because he thinks I can get better without him. He is depressed too and going to see a therapist in the morning and said he will see what they have to say. He is the only thing keeping me together as it is now.
I'm sorry your husband is thinking about splitting up when he means so much to you, especially right now.
I can relate to you. I like being by myself and I do like spending time with some people. I actually moved and was feeling great and proud because I stood up for myself but I am slowly losing interest in life. I feel like I'm disconnecting from life.
I hope you can build on that feeling of pride and not slip away into listlessness. I felt pretty good Monday morning but it started dissipating in the afternoon and has become worse over the past 2 days. I guess the point is that I'm trying to remind myself that these feelings do change.
We are here to support each others in our depression, so you certainly do not take our time, @squib.
If you don't feel like seeing other people, then don't. Come here to this site and maybe chat with a listener? Or post in the depression forum how you feel today? Or enter chat room and observe other people's thoughts? There's no "real" or "fake" life - every connection we make is valid.
Do you try a herbal tea before you go to sleep? Or a workout? Or ask a doctor for meds? Before the depression, every night I'd read, but now it seems like an impossible task, so for a couple of days I took a prescribed pill to establish a sleep routine and now I just try to solve sudoku puzzles. Strangely it helps.
I know the feeling of having nothing to look forward. Days seem to blurred, no distinction between them; the future looks overwhelming, and empty, and past is heavy with mistakes and guilt. Normally I'd avoid my feelings and let numbness devour me. But today I'll try to embrace it and befriend my anxieties. If that's my current state, let it be.
We are messes, but we are not define by them. We are here for you. Sending you an internet hug!