What can I do?

I havent had it medically diagnosed, so Im not gonna say I have depression, I just seek help.

im 14, a teen, so it makes it harder to aproach help without fearing that im going to be judged or pushed away for it being ‘Puberty

I cant talk to my parents, or family. They all make me uncomfortable and unsafe (not in danger, just not comfortable around them). My parents used to hit me since it was legal in their country, and one of my 5 brothers has depression, and my parents think they know more about it that him. To clarify, I self harmed and when I showed it to that one brother he yelled it aloud in a car, so no trust in him. I only have 1 friend I vent to and he cant do anything, and some of my friends dont care and a few of them are pretty crummy and actually make me feel worse.

I dont feel like I have close friends, or friends I want to hang out with or miss. So i filled in that gap with boyfriends and relationships, since I always wanted to be around them, but now thats gone so I feel super lonely and isolated all the time. I need things to waste time and distract myself. I fear my parents, and disappointing or doing anything that involves them can make my anxiey spike so I got nobody to turn to. I just need advice and help at this point, I dont have independance btw, so I cant exactly go to a therapist myself. Help ;-;