What depression is doing to me

Hi guys, so... First of all, just wanted to inteiintr myself. I just joined 7cups and just from what I've seen here, i feel comfortable and safe here.

So, I'm just going to go over what's happening to me. I don't know where to start and talking one-on-one still seems a bit too mich for me atm.

Depression and anxiety have always been messing up my life. I'm 21 almost 22 and uveI had this since 14 or so. I was bullied back in the day up until a few years ago. In addition to being bullied, I was mocked and humiliated on a daily basis. I had no one I could trust. I grew up alone.

Whenever I attached myself to someone, I would smother them because I didn't want to let them go. So I always ended up being rejected in a way.

I'm in college now. I made some internet friends who helped me get here and to open up to people more. What's more, I made two great friends. They understand me and are very caring. But here's the problem: I feel like I'm smothering them again. They tell me otherwise. In fact, they assured me I wasn't, but I feel like I complain too often.

I love them dearly and I don't want to lose them. I'm tired of being left out and alone. My anxiety flares up whenever they take too long to respond to my messages or when they don't answer back. It's just a message, and those messages aren't important to the point it needs an answer, but even still, this gets to me .

It's like I'm not okay unless I'm in their presence. I just want to get rid of these thoughts!