What my job has done to me

I've been working at a juice bar for over a year. At first, I loved it! Everything smelled yummy, it was cool in the scorching summer, everyone was nice to me and I had fun. That didn't last. The manager who hired me and trained me quit because they felt the atmosphere was too toxic with bullying and she didn't feel welcome in her own store. I wasn't sure if something was going on behind closed doors when I wasn't around because everything seemed fine to me. Now I understand because I was next. I've been bullied, humiliated and harassed, treated like a second class citizen, talked down to like a dog, followed around and stared down, micromanaged in an abusive way to make me uncomfortable, treated as if I don't know how to do my job and the demands have become unreasonable. 4 a.m. mandatory meetings, off the clock "cleaning parties" which aren't store policy and the workplace environment is getting too personal and crossing boundaries with group chats in text and social media. I don't want to be available 24/7, this is a smoothie shop and not an emergency medical response service. I've had my belongings stolen by my team members, good reason to believe whoever distributes tips has been cheating me or dipping into mine and it's just not worth it. What really takes the cake is the hearing loss. The machinery emits harmful decibels and the blenders are so piercing loud that I now have chronic tinnitus at 23 and high frequency hearing loss. I saw an ENT specialist and he warned me that if I stay employed there, I will lose my hearing completely and become deaf. He told me to invest in worker's compensation and get another job. My family is aware of this and has seen the diagnosis in paperwork.

The problem is that I recently got braces and my mom paid for them but wants her 5K back. Insurance isn't part of the question, because I was supposed to get these a year and a half ago but our dentist shadily tricked me and put Invisalign on me the day of my "braces" appointment because "everyone's doing it". BS. That used up our insurance and didn't work. It's also hard to find a job where I am if you don't have friends, aren't popular or have any social connections (it's a small town), but plenty of companies are hiring now for back-to-school and the fall season.

The specialist, my doctor and my aunt all say I should stop working at this juice bar to preserve my hearing. The way I'm treated there isn't worth it and it's gotten to a point where I no longer enjoy my life. The job is soul crushing, I dread going in, I have to push myself to keep going and I always want to just get my days over with and not care what else happens as long as I can make it to the next day. All emotion has been put out, my spark is gone. I feel like a ghost of myself, I feel empty, I feel nothing. I can't participate in fun summer activities with family and celebrate, and I'm not even excited for my birthday next week. Instead, I'm just relieved it'll be a day excused from that hellhole. Last night I went to the beach with my parents and I should have been happy, because I've always loved the beach. I used to think the waves and the sea, watching the sun go down behind the pink clouds and finding even the smallest seashells magical. Instead, I felt dead. I couldn't feel anything. I feel like the muted emotions and desire to essentially get my life over with is making me less human and I know that once I leave this job, I will feel free. My mom will not let me quit, though, and I'm tempted to "forget" to take off my nail polish and make them fire me so that I can be relieved of this nightmare. This is taking a toll on my mental health and even on my days off all I want to do is cry because I feel like this place is trapping me. I don't belong with the group of bullies who don't respect me and I feel like there are two loud dog whistles in my ears/head all the time. I no longer know what true silence sounds like because of the damage done to my hearing, and it's so sensitive I can't even go in the living room when my dad is watching TV or cringe when my mom is watching videos on her tablet because it's amplified and piercing loud to me. This is no way to live. I'm highly aware that I only get one life and I want it to be filled with love, beauty, happiness and good things and I can't have any of that when I'm sentenced to keep working here. My mom knows I'm losing my hearing but still won't let me quit because she wants her money back. I don't know what to do, but I feel like I'm honestly dying inside. I feel like I'm not alive and I don't have access to authentic emotions anymore because of the stress and trauma of working here. Worker's comp won't offer enough money, only enough per month to pay my phone and car insurance bills so that's why my mom thinks it's not worth it and better to tough it out here until someone else hires me, which I understand and think that's smart but I feel like I can't do this anymore and I'm losing hope and appreciation for the world around me because I'm so out of touch with happiness and I feel like a rotten, decomposing piece of old fruit instead of a human being. I'm not trying to sound whiny, spoiled or entitled but this job is ruining me and I have to get out. I don't care if I'm unemployed, my hearing and health is more important to me. I can't say the same for my mom, though.

Advice?