What should I do?

I feel like someone has put a curse on me. It's been hard to find happiness.

Coffee and soda are just means to stay awake. I'm starting to wonder why?

My computer is still down. Damn cord issues.

I can only get Internet outside. (This humidity is making me sick.)

TV is empty hours of wasted time.

I have no motivation or focus.

I'm behind in my word count.

The guy and friend (long distance boyfriend) I had feelings for (and still do) just drops me, not real closure.

My past keeps Haunting me.

I have drunken and high neighbors who make me feel very uncomfortable.

I constantly feel on edge since I had my break down on Thursdays.

I had a break down Thursday and cried for the first time since my exs death.

I miss my cats really bad.

I cannot find happiness. I think the last time I had it, was before 2013.

I'm afraid to say the wrong to anyone in fear someone will throw me in a rubber room and lose the key.

I feel I have lost myself when tom cheated on me.

I truly felt more alone than I ever felt when I saw my ex BFF and ex bf fucking. (I had a nervous breakdown down then too, and their idea of cure was getting drunk.)

I want to be in the middle and control everything.

Coffee, soda, and candy aren't fun anymore.

What the **** is wrong with me? How do I get over this? I've been going to therapy, but all he want to do is catorgize it so I can "change" my way of thinking? I'm on meds, but the mixture is making me tired and sick to my stomach.