What’s the best way to help a loved one deal with depression?

That's not easy. Make sure to take if yourself in the process.

She's so lucky she has someone wishing to help her. Hopefully one day she'll realise but during depressive episodes the mind is extremely stubborn and cannot see alternatives.

Presumably she was diagnosed at some stage or has a family doctor? Maybe you could approach them for advice?

If she uses a phone maybe just direct her to 7cups? It may be hard for her to open up with people who now her so anonymously may be different.

and make sure she has at hand all resources necessary in case she is in crisis - helplines etc.

Take care

@independentWater5772

Hi Independent,

Thank you for bringing this important question to this forum. It can be extremely disempowering to witness the suffering of a loved one, and to have your efforts rejected with anger. I can hear how much you care and won't give up on her - she's lucky to have you.

Below are some options that might be helpful for your relationship with her:

1. You can engage a therapist or counsellor yourself to work on your relationship with her (rather than specifically solving the depression for her). A therapist can guide you on how to communicate your love without making her feel like a burden or a problem to fix, or feeling like she has to take the focus off herself in order to deal with your feelings about the depression. People dealing with depression often also deal with anxiety about disappointing or burdening those around them, or being judged or shamed, on top of dealing with the depression itself. Speaking to a professional can help reduce any anxiety you feel about how best to help by strengthening your relationship.

2. Be curious (not argumentative!) about her feelings (more so than her rationality or logic) towards depression, counselling and therapy. Find ways to demonstrate that you are sensitive to her feelings and empathise with them. This can begin with being curious about the anger ie. the underlying fear, shame or belief that is being threatened. Anger is a secondary emotion, designed to protect what we hold dear. Understanding what our loved ones hold dear can bring us closer to them.

3. Manage your own mental health and wellbeing as you care for her. This is critical to ensuring that you don't take actions to the extent that you become resentful of the powerlessness of having your efforts rejected, or the anxiety that things may not improve as quickly as you'd like. Introducing anxiety and resentment in carer relationships can further add to the depression.

4. Practice self compassion when you yourself are feeling depressed about the situation. This will not only help your own mental health and wellbeing, it will also provide a wonderful example for her to be around, in simply being exposed to an alternative and healthy way to speak to herself by seeing your own kindness towards yourself.

I hope these ideas provide you with a few places to start.

Be kind to yourself, and each other.

@safeharbour

@independentWater5772

Especially with the winter months, where the weather is colder and the days are shorter and the nights get longer, it can feel very overwhelming for so many people. It can feel like all of a sudden winter has arrived and with the busyness of life and with covid that there isn't time to prepare. Activities we once did are often not as accessible and coupled with the negative mental health effects of winter's arrival it can feel so stressful and uneasy.

A suggestion for helping a loved one deal with stressful times could be to simply spend time with them when you can. It's the simple things that can make the biggest difference and a caring connection can speak loudly. What do they enjoy? Maybe they have a passion for painting? Surprise them with a small related gift? Do they have a favorite tv show? Spend an hour with them watching together.

I truly hope things improve for you and your loved one, best wishes for both of you xx