When Does It Get Better?

My whole life I've felt like I wasn't worth much as a person. Bullied throughout elementary school and high school. Giving it my all just to hear my family tell me they're proud of me, only to watch their patience dwindle which each repeated failure. Having multiple girlfriends leave me for people I thought were my friends without so much as explanation as to why them, or rather why not me. Having poor grades effectively shut me out from career paths I once believed were possible for me. Company after company bringing me in for interview only to receive a generic "we've found a more suitable candidate" e-mail a day later.

I finally decided things weren't going to change unless I did something about it. I've been going to the gym daily for several years, made myself a great group of friends, managed to find a similar field and improve my grades to somewhat respectable levels with graduation only a year away, and even found myself a good paying job. I convinced myself that the self loathing and thoughts of suicide were just a product of my situation. Yet here i am, just as miserable as I was at the beginning. My body feels like it's quitting on me and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm legitimately scared.