Whenever I sit on the couch my depression creeps up on me.

Hi @Bluesea600! It is good that you wrote your post. I am grateful that you did, because I really want to tell you that it is okay. Your feelings are valid. Moreover, my couch and bed has the same effect for me. When I sit down, it is just so easy for my depression to take over. I fought those feelings for many years, thinking that I should always be productive, always do something which enrich my life. That being lazy on the couch when I feel drained from every ounce of energy is something of which I should be ashamed.

But it is okay to sit down. It is okay to lay down. Having depression is exhausting and you deserve a time to rest. There is nothing wrong to lay down for 5, 15 minutes, 60 minutes, half a day even, and to simply breathe. You don't have to nap, you can just be. It is completely okay. Allow yourself this break. You are doing your best in every minute of the day, carrying the burden of struggle with mental illness. You can make time for yourself to just breathe and be still. It counts as a break and you need to take those regularly, because you are battling a serious condition. Your body is sending you signals that it needs more opportunities to recharge and it is good to listen to it, as long as you do not give in to your depressive thoughts.

There is a distinction between allowing yourself a break as a part of being compassionate towards yourself and thinking that you are simply lazy or running from anxious tasks. You do not have to act on them, but it is important to recognize your reasoning. Be kind towards yourself - you are doing so well in surviving each day. You are brave and you deserve recognition for it, especially from yourself.

It is not your fault that you have depression. It is not your fault that you were in abusive relationship. I am so sorry that you needed to overcome such hardships, but I believe in your strength. You already made healthy decisions for yourself, reached out to this community and I believe you can still reach out to others and ask for their help. Your struggle can leave a print on you, but you are not your struggle. You are so much more. You are not your depression, you are not your work. You are not a noun, but a verb - a loving, breathing, fighting person who is doing their best.

It is enough to just be. There is no wasted time in being.

I agree that life is sad. But sadness like all of emotions is a fleeting thing, changing to many more. Life is scary, and stressful, and funny, and lonely, and beautiful, and complicated, and short and long at the same time. Sometimes it is impossible to control it. So just be. Be like life itself and do not care if you make any sense. Just be. It is enough.

Sending my best wishes to you!

*hugs*