Work and Major depressive disorder
I keep wondering how do people with MDD keep going to work during relapses?
I have stayed mostly in bed, not even managed to see a single email for past two weeks, feel horribly guilty about it and a great shame as I know this will impact colleagues.
Today was one if my worst days and last night was on crisis line for quite long. I was asked to attend a meeting but was hard trying to explain to the employer on a chat that I cannot discuss a way forward right now as it's like speaking to someone with a high fever.
I broke down after and felt terrified of having to live out another day like this.
I don't know what to do at this stage as I can do less and less.
The more days pass the more I cannot find a will or a reason to keep going, let alone focus on pending work emails and meetings.
Hi Lemon,
I know how you feel. I have been relapsing and when you’re at work it is so hard to focus on what you have to do, even small tasks seem impossible.
I find if I pick one work task, say one email to send, and just do that for a certain period of time, when I complete it I feel like I have actually achieved something. Start off small, you’ll get there.
I'm on sick leave.
Just trying to get thru each day. I cannot even conceive of going to work. I'm breaking down often.
I cannot discuss work either as I m totally fogged up can only see myself disappearing so feels like all my energy is being used just to keep myself alive through another day.
But i cannot express this properly it seems.
If I'm thinking of self destruction how can I attend a meeting to discuss the future? I cannot predict if I'll get better or when
I'm so sorry Lemon. Since you're on leave from work try to not give any energy to worrying about what's happening there. I know easier said than done but you probably need this time to heal and cope. I went back to work before I was ready because I felt they needed me and my coworkers were swamped but should've taken the time to heal more. Take this time to focus on getting through each day without that added stress. Best of luck.
Thank you for understanding. You are kind.
Only rejoined 7cups this evening after a long break from participating before. I can empathise a lot with what's been posted. I had to quit work last year because of a combination of burnout, chronic depression, toxic work environment, lack of support and just not being able to cope any longer. I thought that having free time would improve matters but most days I find it difficult to get out of bed and do the basics. The fact that I am a single parent of a teenage son is the main reason that I have for getting stuff going and going on. I went back on meds last year but am skeptical about them doing any good based on several past experiences. Same with counselling. Never seemed to make much progress in several different counselling settings. All I can say here is what sounds like the usual trite/glib suggestion that you try to be gentle with yourself, try to take small steps as suggested above and - as you are doing - reach out for support if you are in crisis or even before. Please trust me, I really feel like I know how you are feeling and what you are going through. We're all still here and that's testament to our strength. Even if it's not easy. I hope that all that makes some sense and doesn't come across as patronising or simplistic. Please take care of yourself.
@puddy you are very kind. Thank you for sharing and for your empathy.
I'm sorry to hear you had to leave work :(
I'm wondering if I'll end up leaving as well. Already changed job 2years ago as felt unable to help the students I was working with...
My colleagues are very nice and understanding but its a very very small team and I feel a lot of guilt I've left them submerged in extra work, messy disorganised odds and ends and I gave no handover.
This will be my 3rd week away. Not sure what I'll do to remedy this absence.
It's like putting my head in the sand every day
That good that your colleagues are supportive. Unfortunately in my case changes in work left what I felt was a very unsupportive and even toxic environment which compounded my problems. Leaving me with little option other than to quit - after 17 years of great reviews etc. I thought about this for a long time so didn't act on impulse. But I'm still bitter about it.
Without meaning to sound trite/patronising, try not to feel guilty about having to take time off to reassess and recover. I know how you feel but if you had, say, a broken leg or some other physical ailment there would be no question of you taking sick leave.
You need to prioritise your own mental well being and try to find some sort of "tools" that will help you to balance things. Don't let guilt/worry about work add to your stress or distract you from taking care of yourself. And do things in as small steps as you can manage and don't beat yourself up if you think that you're not making progress or making it quick enough.
I'm sure that your colleagues appreciate your difficulties and the fact that you are concerned about them and the workload shows that you are caring and sensitive to their needs. Be the same to your own.
Now, if only I could practice what I've just preached to you! :-)
Take care and seize the good moments no matter how rare they seem....
