You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
I hate my job. It chips away at my soul. I work in a Tech Support call center for a huge company. I have what most would consider to be a ‘really good job with great pay and benefits. I work really hard and I am recognized consistently by upper management for being one of their best workers and I even got a raise, buuuut I have absolutely 0 passion for the work I do. The people I work with make it so much worse: due to the racist remarks, rude gossip, and some have even taken advantage of me in some ways. Although I am revered as a top performer, my work related concerns are often overlooked or ignored altogether. I feel that I have no purpose and I hate getting up early in the morning because it just means I will be back there. I have no one to talk to about this, they just dismiss my feelings or they dont understand. And because I have been screwed over so many times by people in my life, I am very guarded and untrusting of others. I have severe anxiety and depression and I really wish I could quit this soul sucking job and work towards things I care about, things that make me happy and that help the world, things that are bigger than myself, but I gotta pay the bills somehow. I dont want to give my entire life to this company like so many others have. Anyways, If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. It feels good to get this off my chest.
@23Q
As I continued reading your post, I started asking myself "Wait a sec., did this person copy and pasted one of my older posts?". Honestly, minus the actual job position and the fact that you got a raise, you basically spelled out my job situation completely especially the "soul sucking" part and the hatred of getting up early knowing that you'll be there. Here's the thing. I had the same feeling about my job for about 5+ years now. I still get up earlier than I'd like at times, I still feel like my rarely imputed job related concerns go in one ear and out the other with the higher ups there which is why I recently decided that I would altogether just stop caring about the company's problems (I usually don't but sometimes their issues affects my work) in my department as they'll just have to learn themselves at some point. It's one of the best decisions that I ever made for the sake of my mental health (but I'm not saying for you to do this as every job is different in a sense).
To add on, I was living in a pit of depression for over a year about my job situation not being remotely ideal, the fact that I was nowhere close to where I wanted to be in life and how much of a failure I felt because of it, the fact that i had an ambitious mindset to do really great things for the world yet I work retail getting payed trash compared to what I should be getting paid considering the amount of work that I do, the fact that said job's paychecks do not allow for me to be able to afford my own apartment so I had to move in with my parents (which doesn't feel good as a grown adult), and the final icing on the cake being that i recently got divorced.
It felt like the universe decided to just beat the crap out of me until I brok completely for a pretty long time.....and then things changed. After being broken for such a long time basically waiting for the end to come, I decided to do something bold. My mentality was "If I'm in this deep empty pit of despair waiting for the end of my days...what harm would it do me if I actually decided to climb up and try something different?". Crazy right? I'm at the end of my ropes and my heart and soul is shattered in a million peaces...so why not just pick up those peaces and try something else? Things can't get any worst as this hole can't get any deeper, so if the only way is up, then I'll go up.
It was that life changing decision, that "what if?" leap of faith that led me to where I am right now. I'm still at that job...but I've since had a different outlook on it realizing all the good that it has done for me and that just because I imagined something else for my life, doesn't meant that where I am is necessarily poison like I thought it was. No, what's poison is that pit that I was submerged in earlier. The pit that leads to death and death only was poison. But this, this is me paying bills and not living on the streets begging strangers for spare change. I think I don't mind this much as I used to. Doesn't mean I have to be here for the rest of my life, but it also doesn't mean that being here right now is the universe having a laugh at my expense.
I'm still living with my parents, but is it the worst thing in the world for me? No, I'm able to save up money being here that I NEVER was able to save before. I have so much money saved up for investments (my own apartment in the future and other major investments) as well as other cool little things that I never thought I'd be able to experience and purchase all thanks to being under my parents' roof. I'm also thankful that I'm able to even have a roof over my head and that my parents were kind enough to not leave me out in the streets in shame. What started as frustration is now gratefulness and healthy planning for the future.
My divorce was one of the most unhappiest days to say the least. But guess what came out of it, a new chapter in my life. The fulfilling, exciting, and "sky is the limit" adventure of starting a new life as a single man paving out a new path in life. I don't need to worry about affecting someone constantly with my life decsions as it will all be me. THe toughest part is the immense loneliness that kicks in every single day, but that's the expected challenges of living as a single person after being with someone for almost 10 years. But again, life feels new, refreshing, different, and filled with potential. I've since learned to do so many things on my own making me feel like I've progressed as an individual. All of this because of what I thought was originally the worst thing that could've happened to me.
I say this all to say life can seem stagnent, soul sucking in certain situations, and downright terrible and depressing at times. But just because something looks and feels to be the end of the world for us, doesn't necessarily mean that it is. We have the choice to step back and see things differently as well as having the choice boldy move in places where we thought we never could before. See the many oppurtunities that are in front of you because of where you are, the many obstacles that you could've been in but have thankfully avoided because of your current position in life. That...that's when you can start appreciating life more and moving forward in a much more healthier, hopeful, and joyful manner.
Life is beyond our 9 to 5 jobs and relationship status. It's up to us to define what that really is, but first we must truly take the time to appreciate what we have now (so many blessings that we take for granted) so that we can move forward with a positive attitude.
@23Q
@23Q
Hello! my name is Zuleika. I have been there before and understand working at a crappy place and having to put on a smile everyday even though you hate it. It will get better and you will find something better that will make you happy. Your life outside of work will get better.
Take care
on 1st April 2019 its not an April Fool joke , i received his e-mail its his 2nd time asking for break up 
i'm so 
after receiving till one i self harm myself twisting a can of 🍺 opening & cut my own finger . when i cut myself i don't feel anything , this time the cut was deep that it was bleeding nonstop its not my first time cutting myself ... the first time was just a slight one , knowing this is not a proud thing to share here but just want to say my finger's wound has recovered except my 
.
@jazmine1986
Take the much needed time to reflect on your relationship and genuinely from the pit of your heart, mind, and soul decide if it is indeed worth pushing forward or not with this individual and have the much needed talk said person about it. What I've learned recently about a year or so after my separation/divorce is that the universe has a way of telling you that life will move forward after a break up (no matter how much it stings at first) and that new and exciting chapters will open up for you should you make the choice to embark on them.
I say this to say, things feel bleak and horrible at the time, but if we stop to take the necssary time to see the bigger picture in things, we learn that sometimes the best decisions are indeed the hardest ones (whether that means to keep something going for the potential greater beauty down the line or end things for the healthier reward in the future). Is a particular relationship worth continuing on? It's a tough thing to say from my ignorant to the situation perspective here, but what I will say is that it's best to CAREFULLY and THOUGHTFULLY work it out with the person until both parties patiently, and out of love for each other, comes to an agreement and consensus.
Peace be with you in your coming days
Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is social pressure. Specifically when it comes to sex, drugs, and partying. On the issue of sex, it feels like everything is telling me "if you don't have a lot of sex, you're a failure." And so I have to ask why. I've never been succesful in dating. I'm twenty two and have only been in one relationship that was an absolute nightmare. So I don't have a lot of sex. That shouldn't bother, but it does, I feel like an absolute failure because of it. I don't even like the idea of casually hooking up with people, that's just not who I am, but I just feel so pressured about it.
And on the issue of drugs(soft drugs like marijuana) and partying. I don't mind if other people do those things, I think that as long you're not hurting anyone then you should be able to do it. But those things aren't for me. But the problem is that almost everyone in my friend circle does that kind of thing, and again, I'm okay with them doing it; however, it makes me feel so disconnected from them because I don't share in those experiences. I'm beginning to feel pressured to do things I don't want to do for the sake of my friends. I don't even know why I'm saying this. I just feel like everyone wants me to be something I'm not.
@dstrat
Speaking as someone who had 90% of weed smoking, alchohol drinking, partying friends, and I did absolutely NONE of that stuff with them whatsoever, I can kinda see what you're talking about. It does feel like a bit of a disconnect, but here's the thing. Back then, eventhough I never partook in any of their activities, they understood from the get go that I wasn't into that sort of thing and respected my wishes as to not be pressured into it. From the beginning, I put my foot down respectfully and gently stating that I wasn't into that sort of thing and everything was cool ever since. If you have great friends who legitimately care about your well being and feelings then this shouldn't be an issue whatsoever for you in the "pressure department".
Ask yourself this, "What would I gain if I just do the things that they did despite my personal opposititon to it?". If your answer is "I get to win their approval" then you're in the wrong state of mind where true friendship is concerned and you need to get out of it IMMEDIATELY reflecting on your friendship goals in life.
If the answer is "I get to be cool like everybody else" then you need to stop, get away from everyone, look in the mirror (either literally or figuratively) and DEEPLY DEEPLY think about who you are deep down, who you truly want to be deep down, and what's the best version of yourself that you can be. If your best self is to be someone who thinks righteous, healthy, peacekeeping, and morally correct thoughts, and you know your friends would laugh and insult such a thing, then consider finding new friends.
You're young and living in a world where everyone is trying to create an image for themselves for the world to be impressed by, so the pressure seems to be "on" constantly. The truth is, and I want you to really put this in your heart and mind when you finish reading this post, "There is no pressure in this world that is too much for you to escape". You seem like someone who is trying to at least make an attempt at following a positive and healthy path in life but is experiencing a dilemma in temptation. We all go through this one way or the other (especially in our youth). Take it from me, don't let the sinful pressures of the world drown you. I made this choice when I was in elementary school and kept it all the way through my college years and beyond.
I said that I would NEVER get pressured into doing anything that I felt was wrong for my well being (smoking, drinking, doing drugs, harmful sexual situations, etc..). As someone soon to be hitting their 30's before I know it, the only thing that I got pressured into doing was having sex when I felt the entire universe was yelling at me "NO!!! DON'T DO IT!!" and I felt forced into doing it. I remembered feeling like the most filthiest person in the world and it changed me forever. However, since then, I've been EXTRA strict on myself in regards to temptations and pressures altogether realizing that I do have the means to escape these situations. I couldve said no and left, but didn't because I thought I'd be embarassed by this person and shamed publicly for not following through with it. Boy was I misguided.
Point is, don't be misguided in life by the enticing nature of sin and pressure. Be smart, be self aware, be diligent, be STRONG, and just as important, be true to yourself and no one else in this world. Recently, I've become a Christian follower and has since had a new perspective on life and, very recently, the temptations of this world. I won't push into becoming anything as it's not my place whatsoever, but what I do want you to do is truly take the time and effort to take a strong self reflecting look of yourseld and of your life. I want you to think about what really matters in your life right now, what doesn't matter in your life right now, the things that you're proud of, the things that you're not so proud of, and what you can do and should do to push forward in the most healthiest and self healing and loving way possible.
I want you to be very strict and genuine about it (don't sugarcoat the rights and wrongs of your life as you'll only be doing yourself a disservice). Now think after that point, "Is sex really important right now? Is being in a relationship really important right now? Is partying with my friends really important right now?". Remember, be VERY VERY strict and true to yourself, and when you find that simple answer deep down, I want you to make the necessary and bold steps needed to carry on in life being the best version of yourself that you can be because YOU deserve it.
The only approval I need is God's, so I know what needs to be avoided and what needs to be pursued in life for the most part. But for you, if you're not the religious type in that department (and again, I won't force you in a direction that you're not comfortable or ready to be in), then think about it from a healthy life decision making perspective. Whose approval do you need?
....live in peace and goodness my friend. I shall pray for you and cheer you on on the sidelines.
Having issues in your marriage/relationship? I have been rejected by my husband of 4years,it hurts so much been nelegect all the time, I confronted my husband and he say it
I really feel wrong reaching out to others, it feels so unnatural to me. It feels like when Im talking about myself that Im being selfish. In the rare occasions that I do, I try to sugar coat my secret mental struggles or try to make things light. But most of the time I can ‘handle it ‘ myself. Ill go somewhere in secret, like covering myself in the blankets, and try to cry as quietly as possible, which is actually kinda hurts mentally and physically. But I dont want anyone knowing Im crying. Maybe its an ego thing. Maybe its because I dont want to be a burden, because other people are already dealing with so much of their own, and Ive been dealing with my problems inside my head all myself for as long as I can remember. Maybe Im afraid I wont be able to express what Im correctly, I find it very difficult to really express myself. Maybe Im afraid of judgement. Maybe its because Im so used to listening to others and not talking about myself, but just keeping it all in. I think its all of that and maybe more, but Im just really tired of myself and wish I could express myself like a normal person.
@mochiheart23
Reading what you said, I wasn't sure if someone else typed this or me from an older post that someone copied and pasted. Honestly, this is word for word what I've went through for as long as I could remember. EVERYTHING that you stated here. So, with that said, allow me to hopefully shed some light on this. I've discovered that, through my years of listening to other people's problems, helping them, but then never truly expressing my issues to others, that I've actually buried myself in a dangerous way of thinking.
Unknowingly, I've created a sensibility that sort of reads as "I am here to help others with their issues, but my true and deepest problems shall remain with me no matter how much it hurts". This thought process felt right for many years simply because...well...I made it so. But then something happened that drastically changed things around for me. I went through a mental and emotional breakdown (more than one actually) which caused me to realize just how much pain I was holding inside of me for all these years. I say this to say that, by design, we can only hold but so much of our problems deep down until one day, we will burst like a water balloon that has been filled up pass its capacity with water. We are afterall fragile beings in all stretches of the imagination.
The problem of not being able to express myself fully was something that I decided to confront. So, I decided that because I enjoyed writing film and TV reviews, I would express my deepest problems through writing. It's still a form of communication and not one that should feel like a downgrade from verbally speaking. I started to create my own journal archiving my deepest thoughts and issues. Then, whenever God (or "the universe", or "life" if you have your own personal beliefs respectfully) placed a situation in my path to express those thoughts to someone, I could reference my journal easily and comfortably. I told everyone that I was comfortable enough talking with that i crafed said journal to help me express my fractured and fragile mind and they understood (as great friends and understanding people do so also be aware of who you feel trusting to with yourself).
Ever since I made this decision, I've become much more comfortable and open with expressing my deepest problems. What was once a head full of years of built up emotions and problems became a much more organized and heathlily approached project of sorts. Yes, I still have my moments where I live in my head and try to handle a heavy weighted issue by myself but I've been learning over and over again that I simply can't. So, I refer back to my journal, jot it down fully leaving no heated detail behind (no sugar coating is allowed in my journal per my rule) which allows me to fully express them out of my mind and/or approach my problem to others if needed.
I say all of this to say that you're not alone in the world in your troubles. Per my Christian beliefs, I believe that God (or like I said "the universe" or "life" in respect towards your own possible beliefs), we meet others who can help shed some light on our problems and help get through it. I pray that I was able to at least give you comfort that you do not suffer alone.
With nothing but love, peace, and prayers for clarity for your coming days,
Saleem
@SaleemF
Thank you so much for your post, its made me feel so much better. Just hearing how your story, you were able to improve, gives me strength and faith (I am also Christian, but Ive been struggling, so thank you).
Thank you again
@mochiheart23
Absolutely no problem whatsoever. We go where we are guided to help our fallen brothers and sisters. If we never make contact after this comment thread, know that my prayers for clarity and progression for you in your coming days, through the Holy Spirit, shall remain with you in your coming days.
So Im not exactly in a great mental space. Well I havent been for quite some time, since November of 2018. I was in a loving relationship of over 2 years at the time and things were pretty good. Or so i thought.. I wasnt exactly the perfect partner, i made a lot of mistakes, and i made a lot of things difficult. Well we both did.. she wasnt exactly honest about how she felt and kind of lead me on for months. She wasnt in love with me anymore but pretended to be. Then she broke up with me in the beginning of December, and weve been apart ever since. Its not the breakup itself that has me so low, but everything that comes with it, and the promises that were broken in the process. My home life isnt exactly easy. At one point i slept on the floor on couch cushions because my brothers had the bunk bed in our(my) room. The only reason i have a bed now is because i had to personally force one of my brothers to leave the room and the house, which needed to happen for his benefit and my own. Even with my own bed, I really dont sleep much because of my father. His room is directly next to mine and he keeps me awake with the gnarly smell of hard drugs and his cries of highness. He does it in his room, the bathroom, doesnt care as long as we dont see him with our eyes. Aside from that, Im the black sheep of the family. I care very deeply for my brothers and sisters and i do everything in my power to ensure their safety, but I am not very appreciated, my sisters firmly believe I dont care much about them for whatever reason, and they use me for weed and alcohol with a facade of innocence. My mom makes the problem worse, she cant deal with pronto wothout getting angry so everything is handled with screaming slamming and threats of violence. Their isnt any respect in this house, nonetheless any toward me. Im not really sure how all of this makes me feel but i know one thing for sure, Im better off somewhere else. Invisible for real, thats what i wish i was. I literally drown myself in alcohol and smoke at least a quarter pound every other day. I want to be seen and understood and loved and appreciated but subconsciously i want vanish, evaporate. I want to be gone, not like suicide wise, i just dont want to be on this planet, in this vessel anymore.
@reservedPenny8609
Usually when I'm helping others in their time of need, I try to be as sensitive and subtle as I possibly can when implimenting my recently chosen Christian path. However, in your time sensitive and most extreme situation, I honestly don't think I can be so subtle. So, I'm not sure if this will get any red flags or not, but I have to say what's currently flowing through my heart, mind, and soul.
God comes to us all when we are in our weakest and most misguided, lost, and fragile state. This is when he extends his hand in hopes that you will choose him and have him take the wheel guiding you EXACTLY towards where you need to be. I was in a situation very recently where I experienced a divorce after a 8+ year relationship as well as being forced to live back in my family while continuing to work a job that i flat out hated with every fiber of my being. After months of experiencing loneliness and depression, I started to find myself sinking down into a pit of despair with no way out wishing that i could simply leave this planet and all of its crap behind (though not necessarily suicide as you have also noted in your situation).
It was here where i decided to take the leap of faith that no one urged me to, but I myself decided to take. I decided "Okay God, I've been ignoring you for so long now and look where it has gotten me. I tried to do everything by myself despite my greatest of intentions and look where it has gotten me. I literally have no where else to go, so in my lowest point, I will turn to you and see what you have to offer me.". After I made that decision, things started to change DRASTICALLY. No, I'm not saying that I became a happy millionaire with a loving wife the next day, but what I was given was the most important thing that I didn't even ask for....clarity.
It was a few weeks after that God directly came to me (not in some magical visual presentation or thundering voice like you see in the movies) but through me I felt a profound and powerful sense of clarity and understanding. Everything in my life, all the suffering, all the crap that I had to go through, the loss that I felt, everything...everything was leading to that moment were i met Him. We are not meant to fully guide our own lives despite our good intentions towards things as it will simply run us to the ground when we least expect it. This is what I learned. I respectfully and thoughtfully urge you to turn to Jesus in your current moment of despair. No, I do not force you. But "reccomend" that you not continue this road on your own.
If you say "No I'm not getting into some religious nonsense" then I urge you GREATLY to at least see a therapist. Perhaps one of the many lovely people here who are actual hired professional therapists or see somone else entirely who can both understand and work with you to help get your life on track where it needs to be. You don't deserve to be dealing with this turmoil with your poisonous household (excuse the language there calling your household "poison"). You deserve to live a joyful and progressive, but most importantly HEALTHY life. Please take it upon yourself to get better and not take the road to nothingness and death as only pain comes from that path (take it from someone who has and know its pain very greatly and intimately).
Choose life as you DESERVE it. But understand that this won't be some overnight fix and that you may have to make some pretty bold choices moving forward but it wil all be for the betterment of things to come.
With nothing but love, peace, and prayer for you and your coming days,
Saleem.
I just feel like i dont know how i can get out of this mess of a life. Im on medication im having psych assessments im trying therapy, i try do things to take my mind off it but nothing works for long. It makes me think is this just what i am like? People always say your not your mental illness, but what if i am? I feel like ive forgotten what Molly (me) is actully like, all i know is depression anxiety and bipolar. And i try change i try everything people suggest, ill be okay for a bit but always end up in the same spot eventually even when i genuinely try my hardest. So is this just who Molly is now? A suicidal, psycho, weirdo, cry baby, morbid, paranoid freak? I hate myself so much tho. Like i genuinely despise myself. But part of me does feel sorry for myself because i know i try my best! Maybe not all the time sure, but even when i do it amounts to nothing. Maybe i am nothing?
I cant even escape life by sleeping and napping because ive even became a suicidal crazy mess in every one of my dreams now too. Why?
Maybe this is just Molly now.
@Mollyelaine
How are feeling today.? I understand the feeling of despair. . Whatever point of it that your at feels hopeless. Yet we know hope exists. We felt it once, right before we made some awful decision. On the anxiety page, it takes about mistakes, we all make them. Let's take tiny steps forward together if you'd like.
I feel so empty, so useless, so sad and so tired. Im so tired of everything, of feeling like this almost everyday and no matter how much I try nothing works, I try doing all the things I used to like but they dont help me anymore. I dont see the point in continuing with this, Im just so tired of this feeling consuming my life all the time and theres nothing that makes me feel a little better
Sometimes I try to be the best person I could be, the best daughter, sister & friend I could be. But it seems like my best is not good enough!! 😞😞
i will never be happy i think and i will never come across anything good in life i wholeheartedly believe i do not deserve anything good anyway so it kind of works out in theory. still sucks that i have the whole feeling worthless and shitty as icing on the cake but what can we do ay
