another night of unfeeling
Ugh, not doing very well today.
It's evening right now, and I know that's usually when depression hits the hardest but I'm trying to deal. I tried to distract myself with a Netflix movie but I didn't feel interested in watching any of them, not even the Disney ones. I tried reading some cute romantic novels that I have laying around but even THOSE haven't been able to perk me up.
I just feel immersed in all the emptiness and apathy right now. Like, I don't even care anymore. Perhaps I should just sleep. I don't know.
Anyway, just needed to vent.
I get like this too. Evenings seem to be very lonely times. You try to distract yourself but there's that empty pit in your chest that makes it very difficult. It's hard to break out of that immersion of negative emotion because it's difficult to do something that will help get you out.
I have always found that talking to people helps. Are there any friends you have to talk to who could provide a distraction? I find that it's nice to have someone else there to make you feel less alone and unfeeling. If not then you can always talk to people here. You may not think it'll help but it could. It's good to have a companion to listen to you and talk to you.
I do the sleep thing a lot too. But I know that sleep is just a distraction for me, an escape from reality. But sometimes it really is exhausting to feel this way and sleep is needed in order to feel more refreshed and rested.
I think it's important for you to find something that actually works as a distraction. Try new things, you never know what you might find. Fun fact: I like to watch bad audition videos for singing competitions on youtube. They make me laugh every time and then I get caught up in this cycle of watching one after another and end up feeling lighter :)
I hope you feel better. Lots of love - DA
@discreetAcres6234
Thanks for all the suggestions and encouragement. Yes, last night I did eventually go onto here and talk to a listener. They helped me out a lot in the end, so perhaps I can start trying that. Even though I've been here since May I've only just recently began taking advantage of talking to listeners. Although even that took a lot because when I'm in such a depressed state, I don't feel like talking to anybody, especially not face to face like friends.
Going to YouTube and looking up funny videos does sound very tempting! xD Doing anything to try to make me laugh, I'll have to try some other ideas. I'm still trying to figure out how NOT to get so depressed in the evenings, but I fear I might just have to keep sticking it out until morning comes around.
Thanks so much <3
@mimameid I'm glad you like my suggestions :) Talking to people is hard sometimes, I know that. But it does have advantages. Sometimes you may need to get things off your chest whereas other times you just need someone to talk to about something completely unrelated. You're here and there are plenty of listeners out there to listen to you, use them, they want to help.
I think a way I minimise the frequency of depressive moments late at night is by having a plan set out in advance so I know what I'll be doing to entertain myself. That way when evening comes I'm preoccupied with other things. I can't say it works all the time, most of the time I don't have the energy to do anything at all and then I get frustrated because I can feel the bad thoughts creeping in. (wow, I sound as if my life is so put together. Don't worry, it's really not.)
I feel like having depression requires preparation. You need to have some sort of plan in mind to combat it. Maybe this is something you could try to work on. Try to find why you feel this way and discover ways in which you can avoid the evening funk.
Youtube is a goldmine of videos. I recommend everyone watches Mary Roach on american idol. Go forth and discover funny content :) <3
@discreetAcres6234
See, the planning thing sounds encouraging. I'm actually not feeling as down tonight as I did the previous night because I decided to occupy myself with studying for tests in the afternoon, plus I got to study with two of my friends during that time too, so that cheered me up.
I'll try to write down some things I can do before evening hits again. The biggest problem coming up though is a school break, where I will be spending about five days at home. Although it sounds bad, I actually feel even more depressed when I come home for various reasons. I'm gonna need to use maximum coping skills then! But I am trying to really evaluate right now the root cause of the depression, so I can try to combat it.
@mimameid I'm glad to hear that you're better tonight :) It's nice that you got the chance to spend time with friends, having company is always good. We all need some good company to make us feel valued and that we're not alone.
I understand the school break thing. I too get frustrated having to be indoors a lot. I've recently began going out by myself in order to get myself out of my room. I don't have anyone else to spend my time with so I might as well do it all by myself. It took me months of getting used to but I'm a lot more okay with it now than I was then. What I'm trying to say is that if you want to do something, just do it, don't hold yourself back. Things get easier with time.
A useful thing to do could be to write down how you're feeling and what you're thinking in your low moments. It could help you understand your feelings and why they are the way they are. I tried doing this and I found out that my root cause of evening depression is the feeling of loneliness. And when I feel this way I start to feel uncared about and unloved, which sends me down the horrible spiral of self hatred.
The dark times will show up again but so will the light. The more you try to learn about yourself, the easier it will become to combat these times. I feel positive that you will be able to get through it :)
How are you doing today, lovely @mimameid? I'm sorry to hear you are also struggling, but let us unite in this battle. Knowing that there are other warriors in the battlefield can give some courage and hope.
I can relate so much to your posts which only reinforce that depression is a real illness with identifiable symptoms (for those who still don't comprehend this fact -.-). Evenings are hardest for me, too. Some time ago it was different, but right now the wave of sadness and numbness and hopelessness hits me every afternoon.
I also found that talking to people helps. Others hacks of mine include: listening to musicals, writing in the 7Cups forums, guided discussion if they are happening, making phone calls to my family or friends, listening to ASMR videos (they relax me pretty well) laying on the bed and watching The Legend of Kora, playing easy video games (hidden objects are great for that). Exercising doesn't work in my case, which was quite a disappointment for me. I really hope that it'd clear my hope, but even endorphins cannot ease this fog in the brain.
I hope you feel a bit better today. I'd love to hear from you. Sending you lots of hugs, wonderful!
@Celaeno
Thanks also for the suggestions~ I have found that when I lay under the covers on my side and read my Nook for a while, it's really comforting also. Or burning a candle.
Do you ever get like really emotionally numb? Like you can hardly feel any kind of emotion? It's sort of what's been happening to me lately and today. Yes, I would get a bout of happiness or humor here, or a spark of interest there, but overall it's fleeting. It's like I can't feel normal emotion. I know one of the possible causes is putting too much of my trust in certain people and then being treated poorly by them. But have you ever had to find ways to get emotions out?
Whoa! This is like reading my life story O.o Yes, I suffer from a marked lack of emotions and struggle a lot in that area. Depression has scarred me emotionally too. And as for trusting people - I think it's a joke. I've been let down too many times by "friends".
On another note, I've found that music helps, at least in my case. You can try giving a shot at playing a musical instrument. It's akin to therapy. Wish you the best. HTH.
@mimameid, I have, yes. Maybe less frequently this week, but I can relate to that, absolutely yes. For me it's like an almost a dissociative state, like this self-knowledge that my emotional resources are empty, there is nothing there to express with.
I found it is mostly caused not even by treating poorly by others, because I have pretty understanding support network, but by treating poorly myself. I know that I was never abused as much as I abuse myself on the daily basis, both physically and mentally. Maybe numbness is in that case a coping strategy for our brain to limit reactions from too many signals?
But again, this emotional numbness is also a common symptom associated generally with depression. So it can be a warning sign that you are starting to decline and falling down into major episode. Don't want to scare you or anything, because I don't know your situation, and this is just me rambling away, so don't mind too much what strangers on the Internet are talking about ^^;
Loads and loads of love!
