being thrown through the loop again
This is my first post. I'm not sure what to say... For the past year an a half I have been dealing with depression. I had no motivation, energy, desires, lost interest in everything. The only desire I did have was my bed and watch TV. I developed insomnia which made it worse. The best way i can describe my depression is falling down a big black hole with everyone walking around me not seeing me. There were a couple of times I felt like the only escape was ending my life. When I reached that point I knew I needed help. I have been on lexapro for six months now. I was feeling good, had energy, and motivation. Its been doing its job, but lately I feel like I'm sinking again. I have no motivation and energy. I am terrified I am falling down that big black hole again. I do not ever want to feel the hopelessness and worthlessness again. I find it hard to open up to my friends and family about my feelings. I don't want them to see me that way. I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe I should force myself into talking to a friend? Will I ever recover from depression or is this always going to be a consent battle I have to fight?
Hello Gibstir86
I'm just here to tell you, you're not worthless. its easy to feel that way, especially with the impossible standards set by media and just society in general. Mostly everyone feels the same way at one point or another, its just that most people are able to shrug it off, maybe because they have better support systems, self esteem or they are just plain accustomed to being dejected that they are still able to function normally.
Some people cant deal with it (not for lack of trying). So you're not worthless. c'mon think about it, do you really know anyone who is completely useless, someone who has literally nothing to offer. Kinda hard isnt it? so you're not worthless either.
I Cant say much about depression. but i hear it is hard to get rid off (obviously)... I'm not doing so stellar myself but i wouldnt think im depressed. thats just stuff that happens to people, some more than others.
the whole point of friends is to have back-up when you need it. unfortunately its hard to find that today. people want to roll with you only when you're normal and fine. kids these days benefit from the good of their friends but bail out when the going gets tough. You should find some new friends. Failing that, you'll have to learn to deal it yourself (thats how i do it)
sometimes also, we do have people who care about us (not many) but then we feel apprehensive about sharing our pain because its infectious. we dont wanna bring down our happy friends our "rock" with our problems. thing is, happiness is contagious as well. share the successes with your pals, so you both can have something to be happy about.
i think most teens/young adults these days give a passing thought to suicide. granted many people just suddenly drift to it and reject it as completely over reacting. because that is true. cliche as it is, its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. humans are kinda myopic, we know the future has a possibility of getting better (statistically it will) but being myopic, we rarely think that far ahead. people are instant gratification types, in this case, then gratification is no longer having to deal with all this.
your analogy of a big blackhole is a good one. im probably right on the edge of it. im not gonna go into details about that cos this is about you. anyway, connect to a listener on this site, taht'll help you get stuff of your chest in real time. but be patient if you cant seem to reach one or get one thats a newbie. it happens sometimes.
all the best
