depression sucks

Hi I just want to vent a bit. Ive been feeling depressed (maybe idk I havent been diagnosed) for about 2 years now. It all started with a suicide attempt last year December or November? I dont remember what exactly drove me to do it, I might have blocked it out. I never told anyone about it and my family doesnt know. I thought I wasnt going to make it because a lot was going on and I had breakdowns often which fucking sucked. But I did get through it eventually.
Fast forward to 2019 I attempted again in the summer holidays and had a depressive episode. This was all a week before school started. I had minor panic attacks in school but hid it and pretended to be happy. Ive nearly broken down in the school toilets but I stopped myself because I didnt want anyone to see I was crying. Next thing you know a "friend" is talking about me behind my back in the cafeteria at lunch. I walked out and started shaking and I couldnt breathe. I felt like vomiting it made me feel so uncomfortable. After school finished I went home and I couldnt breathe and starting shaking and crying. I locked myself in the toilet nearly drank bleach because I couldnt do it anymore. That was all in September. Now its December I dont feel any better. Sometimes I feel like giving up and throwing my life away. Im just rambling I dont know.