disappointment

when i look in the mirror i hate what i see. i have absolutely NOTHING going for me. i dont have looks, im not talented at anything, and im definitely annoying. when im out in public i feel out of place yet i force myself to try to talk with people. many people think im an extrovert but i just want to lay in bed all day and slowly sink into an abyss of nothingness and never come back. sometimes i wonder what the meaning of life is and i know its not to be suffering. my entire family are jehovahs witnesses and i feel out of place there but when i go to school i feel out of place as well. loneliness is what i feel most of the time because no one understands me. i dont want to bother my friends with my problems so i just keep it bottled up but every now and then i cant take it anymore. i just feel like screaming sometimes. then i think about people who are suffering of starvation and i think of how petty my problems are but how big they are in my head. how i have absolutely no one. the reason that my title says disappointment is because thats what i am. my parents as i stated before are EXTREMELY religious and we dont celebrate any holiday. i remember being a little kid and being so sad cause all my friends celebrated their birthdays and christmas with their families and my family went to meetings on thursdays and sundays and learned about the bible. things like that make me feel like trash cause i just wish i could be happy for once.