how do I become interesting and likeable?
As part of my treatment vs. my chronic depression, I've been encouraged to socialize more, to interact with others more, and not to isolate myself.
There's been a clear link between self-isolation and my depressive spells. So it's logical. I need to reach out, be outgoing, connect to others with my interests.
Since the people in RL who are my friends have very busy work schedules, I try to connect to others on the internet. It means I can email them and keep in touch, but I'm also trying to meet new people.
I go to forums related to things I have interests in. Hobby forums, fan forums, writing forums. I carefully and meticulously read the rules. It's hard for me to overcome my social anxiety. But I know I need to interact with others, so I bite the bullet and post.
And nobody responds.
This is an ongoing pattern on many forums of varying activity levels and demographics. Thus, I can only assume that I am the common factor.
I know I am boring, that I talk too much, that I'm not very interesting. I know I tend either to lurk or to suddenly post tl;dr and nobody wants to read that. I try to post short funny things and they're never funny. I'm just not very likeable.
But I need to socialize. I don't have real people I can socialize with; people have lives and work and I can't demand more of their time than they can spare. Interacting with people online is supposed to be casual, easy, no pressure. Informal and without the obligation to maintain a schedule or even regular contact.
Except for the fact I seem to completely fail at it. I can't even talk to people anonymously on the internet.
How do I be less uninteresting and boring so people will voluntarily interact with me?
Hey, notquiteuntealike!
First of all, I commend you on the effort that you are putting in your treatment and getting overyour social anxiety.
To immediately answer your question, the only way you can be interesting
Hey, notquiteuntealike!
First of all, I commend you on the effort that you are putting in your treatment and getting overyour social anxiety.
To simply answer your question, the only way you can be interesting or likeable is by being yourself.
According to the very wise Dr Seuss, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." When it comes to being interesting or affable, I would take Dr Seuss's word for it. Nothing is more intriguing when a person chooses to embrace one's identity and express it outwardly.
We all go through these feelings of low self worth and not being what other people want us to be. This is a turmoil with self acceptance that everyone faces. I struggled with self acceptance and my identity for quite sometime. Overtime, what I came to realize is that the validation of being likeable, which I wanted from other people, came from not finding myself that likeable. The sole reason that I did not find myself likeable was because I was judging myself according to this unachievable perception that I wanted people to have of me. The only validation that I needed was my own.
Stopping yourself from wanting this external validation and starting on the path of self actualization takes time. But, you know, what? During your fruitful journey of self discovery, you will find people who want to talk to you because of who you are as an individual, with all your strengths and flaws. Trust me, you will.
You are already everything that you want to be. All you have to do is realize it.
Hopefully, I was of some help. Let's chat sometime soon. I would love to find out more about your hobbies and writing. Just contact me, when you get the time.
PS: Sorry about the incomplete post above. My Ipad is just about done with all the finger tapping I did on its screen today.
Thanks for your reply, HumsAria.
When I'm on more mentally stable feet, this is a topic that I remind myself of again and again. I can't rely on validation from others. (It's okay to want it - everyone wants validation - but I can't rely on it.) I need to enjoy and like and respect who I am, just for being who I am, and validate my own feelings and experiences as being real.
Still, when I'm feeling very low, I can't help but feel that not only do I find myself uninteresting and unlikeable; I think everyone else looks at me that way, too.
(And battling a false or realistic feeling of isolation/loneliness isn't helped by feeling like you're worthless)
I'll continue battling onward, though. Thanks again for your comment.
A person cannot be interesting and likeable if he has not gone through challenging experiences.
Get a career, join a local sports team, find you passion, do something. Then experience the pleasure/pain/dissapointment, get the experience, then share this experience with other people -> suddenly you have something to talk about and people will listen.
... While I understand the intention behind your statement, Martin92, I will have to respectfully disagree.
The death, emotional trauma, peer abuse, and ordinary childhood/teenaged experiences of band/debate team/cheerleading/etc don't tend to be interesting to most people.
My failed university experiences, jobs as a low-income cake decorator/retail worker/call center worker/tech support person/temp worker don't seem to interest anyone.
All of the confusion, rejection, shunning, and slow acceptance of my mental health journey doesn't seem to interest anyone.
My gradual self discovery of my gender identity, sexuality, and gender expression aren't particularly interesting for anyone either.
People aren't interested in problems.
People don't need to go through Hades to be likeable.
People should be confident in themselves, and like themselves just for being themselves.
The previous point made here is valid. If I like myself, if I'm confident about myself, then other people will feel comfortable about me.
I'd caution you against using that advice in real life. Some people might be hurt by the invalidation of not being "experienced enough".
