nobody likes me.

so basically i feel like everyone thinks im annoying, especially my friends. i feel like my friends dont actually like me and they only talk to me because i do anything for them or theyre just being nice/feel bad for me or its all some kind of elaborate joke of them making fun of me behind my back. i feel like i dont fit in anywhere and that my own friend group doesnt actually accept me - i feel like an outsider. im replaceable. im not really apart of my friend group - they dont actually like me - theres nothing to like about me anyway so i dont blame them. everyone is going to leave me one day because of the unbearable human being i am and i have to understand that - NOBODY ACTUALLY LIKES ME. i feel like im extremely boring and nobody likes me. im so unfunny, uninteresting, and just dry in general. i really have no personality most of the time. im so awkward and never know what to say half of the time so its now wonder people dont like me. im way too quiet and shy, i literally never talk and its so weird. i never have anything important or funny to say, so most of the time i sit there like the stupid girl i am. i dont deserve love or happiness. i feel like a burden on everyone, basically my friendships with people is a burden on that person bc im such an unbearable human being. im a loser. honestly all i want to do anymore is drink bc thats my only escape from my anxiety, and really the only time i can be carefree and outgoing. everyone else around me is always so outgoing and talkative and making friends so easily with everyone, and i dont understand why i struggle so much to simply just talk. i want to hang out with my friends all the time but i feel annoying asking them if they wanna hang out with me so i just dont initiate stuff, which usually leaves me feeling lonely (and probably makes me seem antisocial and like i dont wanna hang with them, even though in actuality i really do). also i have a fear of rejection so i always try to agree with everyone because im terrified of offending someone or them hating me. i try to compensate for these feelings by wanting to hang out with people all of the time but usually ill shutdown in the middle of being around my friends and it makes me look like an idiot as I sit there in silence. i hate everything about myself, i would honestly do anything to be outgoing and talkative and bubbly and pretty and fun and just a like able human being. im so annoying, I apologize for everything and its annoying, but if i dont apologize then i feel annoying so either way i cant win. im terrified im going to embarrass myself all the time. i feel like in order for people to like me i have to please them, because if not theres literally nothing good about me that theyll like. im not a likable person, i dont understand how anyone can talk to me, let alone be around me. sometimes ill see proof that my friends really dont like me, especially when they all hang out without me or go somewhere without me or do something without me, i feel like nobody cares whether im there or not and it kinda feels really bad. sometimes i feel like they makes plans right in front of me and dont include me on purpose or they purposely make plans when im not there bc they hate being around me and dont want me being with them. i always feel left out, and ik they probably dont mean it but it really hurts and idk how to get rid of this feeling. i genuinely feel like i have no friends. nobody likes me and i have to realize that.