people pleasing backfired
what do you do when you're a people pleaser that people think is a bitch? long story short, i worry a lot about what people are thinking/feeling and it always takes me being angry to finally be as assertive as i need to be with them. despite doing this and being nice all the time, some people (co-workers mainly) think i'm angry at them? i'm shy and have rbf, but i'm open about that.
i guess i'm asking how to get people to change their perception of me? i know i'm an angry person (always self directed), but maybe i need to work on opening up more? if they don't like me, being overly nice and outgoing feels so fake?
@winterfresh How do you want to change the perception? That're you're nice? That you're not a people-pleaser?
I have found that it's often really not worth it to try to change perceptions about me. It takes too much effort to change people's perceptions and sometimes it's useful to upend their perceptions. I just don't have enough time/inclination to change the external and it has made me unhappy when I tried.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea i just want people to stop thinking i'm angry at them, when i'm not. i'm a really angry person, and i guess that's coming out more than i thought. i want to be free from worring about other people because it's a trap and a waste of time. i just need to work on my anger issues.
@winterfresh If you want to work on your anger issues then that's totally up to you. But you can't really control or even change what others think of you and for some, it will NEVER matter what you do: they'll think what they think, even if it's totally wrong.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea i think my anger is the main problem and i wand/need to work on it for me and not for other people. i've told people that i'm basically full of rage and have joked about it. it's bothering me because the anger and the rage are turning me into someone i don't want to be.
@winterfresh Good luck. :)
@ReadBooksDrinkTea thanks. i guess i needed a wake up call.
Theres a great book thats out that Im reading called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F (Well, he uses the whole word) by Mark Manson. Basically, you can change your mindset, although it will be difficult, by focusing only on what you consider important to give a darn about while not giving a darn about what isnt important to, well, give a darn about.
I had tried to be one of those people pleasers and then I realized that the less I tried to please people, the happier I and they were. To put it bluntly, I stopped giving a darn about trying too hard to please people, because its more than likely they dont give a darn about either of us.