struggling
I have a hard time asking for help.
I don't like to waste peoples time, when there are other's who I feel would be more deserving of help. Or I feel like I'm being a pain. Or I just can't find the words. really sure where to put this, because it's alittle bit of everything. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, anger, rage, headaches, sh urges, fear, insecurity, therapist diagnosis, everything.
The worse I feel the more I want to be alone, isolated, safe. Alone is safe for me. The worse I feel, harder it is to talk to people about how I feel.
I'm tired of feeling this way, tired of feeling sorry for everything. Doesn't matter if it's out of my control or not. I'm tired of fighting with and against myself. How can I get over this fear of asking and admitting to people that I am struggling? What is/was so wrong with me that I feel like I am the most worst example of a human being anyone could ever be.? I mean come on there has to be something if the people who brought you into the world can't stand you. I completely hate myself. I can't deny that. I know I'm a screw up, a failure, a disgrace. Unwanted, unworthy, unnecessary. There's a part of me that's looking for an out, an escape. But I can't do that, because then they win. I have no idea where I was going with this. Maybe just ignore it, a rant, a vent. I'd like to say it can't get any worse but, I don't think tempting karma or fate or whatever is a good idea because knowing my luck, it would, somehow, some way. Sorry for taking up your time.
@mytwistedsoul
First of all, know that you coming here is the first step to reaching out and if you think about it, you aren't bothering anyone. That's because people are making an effort to listen to you Also, talking to a counselor or some therapist is not bothering them either. There is a reason why they chose the profession the way they did. Rather they acknowledge that you are reaching out.
As for the fear of bothering people, keep in mind we are living in a time where people are more focused on modern technology vs socializing anymore. Do you think it stems from seeing people constantly looking at their phones and tablets?
@Summerpegasus
Before I go too far, I'm going to apologize, because this is probably going to come out rude and all wrong. I'm sorry, I mean no offense, but it bothered you and took up your time to reply. Which, thank you, but you shouldn't have. Just not worth the trouble.
I have a shrink and while he thinks everything is fascinating and a learning experience for all involved, I think he full of it and is paid to put up with the reaching out.
Don't really know about people being on their phones or tablets all the time. Nobody goes anywhere here except to see the shrink.
@mytwistedsoul I hate the who "Learning experience" concept which I think is quite condescending.
@Summerpegasus
Yeah, I might be a little naive at times, a little slow, I'm not stupid. He's helpful, but yet not sometimes. We're not all fan's. Sometimes things feel worse than better. Other times he does help settle things down. so I'm not sure what to do about it.
@mytwistedsoul It sounds like he has things that you like while other times he does things that bother you. That means you aren't going to agree with everything that he talks about with you. The best thing you can do is find something that is going to work for you and not for others.
As for the comments about you not trying to bothering anyone and modern technology, people seem to give off those vibes when they constantly look down at their phones and tablets.
@Summerpegasus
Trying to figure out how to answer this, without out putting to much out in the open. I'm not sure why that matters...apparently today it does. Go figure
I guess it's only going to get worse as technology moves forward. I have seen things online myself about people being in the same house and texting each other, which makes no sense. Not a fan of socializing, but it is easier to read people face to face.
As for bothering people, I figure there are just other people who are,idk, more deserving of people's time, problems that could be helped or fixed. Mine can not. Just managed, and that's not even being done right, not all the time anyway.
@mytwistedsoul Do you have anyone who you can talk to like a friend of a family member who you really trust? I have heard that it's not a good idea to talk to anyone about your problems because you have some personal information.
@Summerpegasus No, wait - what? I have personal information? I think maybe I'm confused
@mytwistedsoul What I mean by that is, telling everyone and their brother who you don't know or really aren't close to about your depression because that's personal information about yourself. It's better to talk with people who you are close to that you feel is trustworthy.
To how ever is in charge of this thread stuff - May we please delete this stupid thread?