what now?
I am very depressed and I dont know what to do anymore. This has been the hardest month of my life and I am completely destroyed. Two weeks ago I had a big fight with my family in which I was physically attacked by both my father and my sister who also threatened me. My mother has emotionally abused me for years saying things like im the worse daughter, im lazy, she hates me, and when she dies that if I go to her funeral she will come back to life and tear my eyes out. Im 19, a sophmore in college who commutes because I get a lot of money back in refunds because of many scholarships. However it isnt enough to live on campus without loans (plus i live 10 minutes away so I didnt think it was worth it). The day my family faught with me I didnt do anything other than have an argument with my mom that morning because I got to school a few minutes late. All I do is go to school and work I barely have any free time nor time to have a social life so I dont understand why im being punished. I have straight a's for the first time in my life and im making a lot of money. Despite all my hard work Im still being treated awful. That day I had to leave home because it was too unsafe for me to stay there any longer. I went to live with my boyfriend and his mom. I was too terrified to go back home and my mother refused to apologize to me. Even with all the pain and stress I still continued to go to work and school. Two days ago my boyfriend broke up with me because I have too many problems and he could not deal with my depression anymore. He is incredibly angry with me and refuses to talk to me. I was forced to go back to my parents home on my own late at night and terrified. I am still scared and anxious, i am in my room and i do not talk to anyone I lock my room door. I tried talking to my boyfriend today and he had a violent and angry tantrum and told me I manipulate him to feel bad for me because I am always sad. I tried really hard to be happy for him. I have no friends, my family doesnt love me, and now I lost my boyfriend too. I dont know what else to do. I cant afford to rent an apartment either and I cant be on my own. I want everything to stop and I cant because my life is so busy with school and work. I am so exhausted. My anxiety keeps me from talking to anyone one on one. I have tried to look for help through counseling but they just tell me "think positive :) you will get better :) fear is in your head lol" so no help there. Please, i dont want to give up but everything is so hard for me right now.
@Radiocake
Thank you for coming here to 7 cups, and sharing some of your story with us.
You have shown a lot of courage and determination in the face of so many challenges, I think, and I think you should feel proud of yourself for that, I really do.
If you are comfortable, you can connect with a listener here for 1 on 1 chat.
There are also many self help guides here on 7 cups that you can explore, if you would like to. Some of the topics addressed in the self help guides include some of the challenges you have shared you are facing, so you might want to consider those.
There are also group support chat rooms here at 7 cups, as well.
All of these are options for support are available to you here at 7 cups.
As you move forward, please know that the community here at 7 cups is here for you, to support you. Take care.
My mom has emotionally abused and I know that's frustrating. When I was really depressed ( I still am) I was told to ry to get closer to God. ( Ok I know I may seem like a religious freak already, I know, but please read for a little longer.) I started praying every now and then when I needed help. I also prayed about my problems. That helped get things like confessions, lies, etc off my chest. Just even pray a little bit, and pray for somebody else you know. I would also try writing in a journal. And if your family is snoopy like mine I would keep the journal in your backpack, under the bed, in the closet, etc. I hope this will help even a little bit. Just keep moving forward.