I hate feeling like this.
I've learned to cope without having any friends over the past six years. But I still get pangs of loneliness. Granted, I've made at least one friend, but she's so busy and I have way too much free time.
So today, I had to do induction for PTK. Honor society. Lot of people showed up. I worked registration for a while, and it was nerve wracking. I hated having all those people around me. It made my stress go way up.
Once the whole ceremony was over, we did a reception for the new members. Finger food, punch, etc. Once everyone got theirs, we served ourselves and just hung around. And yet I kind of just felt like a fifth wheel. I know these people and yet i just felt like I didn't belong there at all. Chatting, laughing, and I just felt like a sore thumb.
To be honest, I've never felt like I belonged in this honor society anyway. Grades be damned. I look at myself and I don't see a scholarly individual. I see someone who shows up and does the work. Deep down, I hate getting up and going to school.
One of my fellow members told me that "I'm awesome", when deep down, I don't feel that way. I feel like I'm incompatible with most people. An awkward penguin.
Perhaps I'm just stuck in my head and my thoughts, but I haven't felt this low in a while.
@Nick8876 hey were here for you ok ...were here to not only listen but give asassistance.message me if you need to talk and stay strong
@Nick8876 hey were here for you ok ...were here to not only listen but give asassistance.message me if you need to talk and stay strong
@Nick8876
Hey Nick. It's a good thing that you shared a part of your problem and how you truly feel about your life right now.
I guess the simpliest way of pin pointing and finding the cause of you sadness and loneliness is to find out what is causing you to feel that way?
This might just take half an hour of your time. Be calm and relax get a piece of paper and pen and start writing. When you write things down it will help clarify your mind and your feelings.
You can also write another list of what makes you feel happy, since you mentioned that you are not happy with the club that you are in right now.
Then think about how you can change or make things better for you in both of those lists. I'm sure there is lot more that you haven't shared with us. And yes, just writing things down is not going to solve problems. But it is a good way to start.
@Kate30
You have a point. I have tried journaling in the past, and I've gotten mixed results from it. Not even venting into a journal has helped me much.
Tried meditation as well. Mixed results from that as well.
A lot of it stems from me being upset with myself over a lot of things, I guess. I did some things in the past that I'm ashamed of. Nothing illegal, just shameful to me. I've held onto it for so long, as well as with a girl that I met months ago, in which we sort of fell out with each other. Then there's the isolation and the loneliness.
@Nick8876
Hey Nick. It's ok. I know what you mean. The best thing is to have a good balance of both worlds right? One is a healthy social life. 2nd also a healthy personal life.
Writing in a journal and meditation does help but just to a certain extent. Nothing beats a good human companion. I mean just eating lunch infront of my laptop and eating with another human being who talks and keep me company 2 completely different things. And yes i would choose a good human companion to eat lunch with rather than my ever faithful laptop. Simply because i get to be my human self with another human LOL.
Everybody makes mistakes that's because we are all not perfect and it's a part of life a learning process, but i'm sure you already know this. Maybe it depends on you, because each person is different and we handle and think differently. Some need more time than others to deal with their past.Perhaps you can google and get some tips on how to handle your past. Hope this helps.