Isolation/security

I’m not sure what to do, I was just in the hospital like a month ago for a mental breakdown, but I still feel the severe depression coming back. I don’t want to be here I’ve self harmed 3 times In one day, but I’m 5 days clean and I’m tempted. I’m so alone. No one wants to hear me out. The crisis hotline always tells me the same thing and my hands broken so it’s too much to text 741-741. I wouldn’t even know what to say. I had a roommate in the hospital and we really bonded, she gave me her number supposedly and so I texted her and she didn’t answer. She wants nothing to do with me, the amount of love that was there made me realise I’m missing love. I’ve never been loved. Truly never had not even like in a I’m unlovable way, i just really have never experienced love and so the days I had with her is why I felt so much better, I wasn’t actually getting better. Love and care is what I’m missing. It hurt too much.