Lost

Hello. My name is Jess. Recently I've been struggling with loneliness more than ever before. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 9 months. He's a transman, so all last year we were both dealing with his transition. It was very difficult for the two of us. I had to observe him at his most vulnerable and insecure time in his life. It greatly challenged our relationship, but we pushed through it. Throughout that time, I felt like I needed to be rock. I persevered and cried with him.

Recently, (in April) we were supposed to move to a house in Portland where I was going to start my new university, but we got scammed on this place, lost all of our money, and I got kicked out of my last place. I had to rehome my cats and move to his parents house. This devastated us and left us very insecure with ourselves. I have no friends here, I started a new job, and now I'm going to a new school. I've been trying hard to talk to him about my feelings, but it seems like he doesn't listen to me. He becomes really defensive whenever I acknowledge that we have been distant and whenever I give him some pointers on the best ways to reconnect with me. He's not very affectionate with me and when he is it's all about his physical needs. I feel trapped in his parents house. I feel like I can't talk to anyone or no one is listening or can relate. I miss him so much and I don't know what to do.