My third year of college, still no friends
I've been lonely, seems like, all my life. Never had good friends, and especially now. I never fit in anywhere, and nobody I meet seems much similar to me or has something we can click on. Plus I have a bad case of social anxiety, and it never gets better.
Going to classes, which are mandatory, literally triggers suicidal thoughts in me, seeing all these buddies and couples around me and I'm all by myself, as usual. I don't see a point in living if I can't share my experiences with anyone so it also kind of invalidates all the stuff I am (or would be) interested in.
Nobody or maybe one person will read this, but I guess I put my thoughts out there in the void, for all it's fucking worth.
@MarkyMark123
Hi, ive been putting my thoughts on 7cups all year and met a lot of people. Many good wise members all helping eachother, win win. I suffer ptsd social anxiety bipolar (im a fk mess) lol
But it helps to vent and when i also realised how being a listen gave me a sence of purpose, i dove right in. I found out how paralyzing some situations can be. Im not a listener any more because i like the forums. Welcome!! Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 Thank you for the kind words, glad to hear this worked out for you.
@MarkyMark123
Its good to meet you, tag me anytime!!👍
@MarkyMark123
@MarkyMark123 - I grew up with plenty of social anxiety, moving from place to place and always being the "new kid". I found that while either standing in line with someone or sitting next to someone in class just starting a conversation "with an icebreaker" helped to jump start a possible friendship. Bring up current events or a sporting event to the person you are next to and await their reply.
@Mikecdog Glad it could work out well for you, but that hasn't helped me, like at all. Just sitting next to people, they absolutely never start the conversation. When I do, it usually just leads to very awkward ones, and they never end up showing interest in getting to know me in the long run. I'm not an asshole, but I'm not a charismatic or talkative individual either, so I'm usually punished in this way. It sucks.
@MarkyMark123
Most people already have friends and have decided to go to college together, so they stick together in cliques (even after college). Some families have been friends for generations, so their kids (hand picked friends) stick together. All the time.
I found the best way to make friends is to make yourself useful. Put yourself everywhere, in the middle of activity. Join a bunch of clubs. Host one of those college events. Being on a planning committe would put you right in the middle of the action. Once people see you everywhere, they start learning your name and getting interested.
And you could always get a job in the cafeteria or as a barista. Then you will meet people constantly and have a chance to socialize while you make their order.
Social anxiety only causes you anxiety because you haven't been socialized and you haven't had much practice in high stress situations or with people. The only way to have less anxiety is to spend shitloads of time with all sorts of people (especially strangers). That's why getting a job in customer service or joining a public speaking club would be a fantastic way to learn to cope. I used to be quite introverted and socially awkward myself in my youth. You wouldn't even know I'd grow up to be a supervisor in a big-box retail store and lead teams of people!
Do you live in the dorms? I hear it's the best way to make friends (you automatically get a roomate and you hang out with others a lot). I myself never lived on campus, I commutted, so people tell me I must have missed out ona lot.My program was specialized though, so I spent tons of time with the same classmates throughout my 4 years of university.
@UnicornFriend222 I see you don't actually understand. Not everyone is an extroverted, bubbly social butterfly with ingrained social skills. Also, there are a lot of assumptions here that don't pertain to me at all.
Firstly, I have been to my share of clubs growing up. I was even one of the longer-tenured players in my town's basketball club. All I'm gonna say is I've had vastly more bad experiences there than good, some of which probably helped shape my mental illness.
I don't know what kind of place you think I'm in, NYC or something, but here in the Balkans, those clubs and planning commitee fairy tales don't exist. Even if I was in a big place, how would that advice make any sense to a person who has ZERO friends and social contacts?
No, that is just one of the types of people with social anxiety. Mine actually gets WORSE the more social situations I'm put in and try to make something of them. It gives me extra flashbacks to roll in my head in my daily episodes of depressing thoughts.
I've been in a few joint-living situations, and it only leads to other people socializing and having fun while leaving me isolated and alone, not even trying to check on me.
This is a long one, but I had to at least let my voice heard even if it is responding to someone who is not even close to the point of reference I'm in. Thank you for your comment, but please take your generic advice to someone else, maybe it helps them.
@MarkyMark123
Wow, you live in the Balkans? That's like the coolest place I heard someone is from! How is it like to live there?
@friendlySkies6250 I've never heard someone refer to the Balkans as cool, haha. Usually it's called the war-torn region of Europe.
It's the standard, underdeveloped and backwards Slav culture with strong nationalism and corruption. I don't find anything cool about it, but I guess everyone has their tastes.
@MarkyMark123
Thanks for educating me -it got me interested in learning about the Balkan region!
@MarkyMark123
You wrote in English so I assumed you're from an English speaking country somewhere. I myself was born in Romania and yes, it's a totally different world.
First off, your attitude is off putting. If you snap at people like this, you're not likely to make friends because few people are courageous enough to interact with you a second time. Learn to object in a more diplomatic, polically-correct way and things may change for you. Not everyone can read your mind and give you the specific answer or comment you expect.
But it also sounds like your body just can't cope with minor stresses. That's often a deficiency involved. When the brain and other parts of your body are devoid of the resources they need, even simple things seem difficult, and you can't cope with simple challenges.
@UnicornFriend222 You're a very sad being. Keep assuming everything about other people's lives. Telling yourself you know everything is easier than admitting when you don't have the answers. Good riddance.
Hi, wanna be friend if would like, I relate to you being sufferer of social anxiety and I want to connect with people here to at least get a bit of happiness
Hey, sorry for not responding, app got updated. Yeah, sure, send me a message.
@MarkyMark123
I can understand seeing other people who aren't lonely when you are can be painful.
For me, talking to other people in some form helped. It can be with a therapist, parent, penpal, or even online. It doesn't have to be about your problems - can be for a general chat about the weather.
It doesn't help, though. Not with my therapist, parents, or acquaintances. Maybe it's better than not talking at all, but it just leaves a feeling of emptiness, and potentially causes more harm than good.
@MarkyMark123
You will automatically make many freinds on 7cups and we all welcome and help eachother through sharing parts of our lives and the wisdom we find here helps guide us.. Being a freind comes first and its just that easy in theory. Im your freind if you want 😊
Blessings, Day
