stuck on the comfort zone

Hi, I confused my self by being lonely and too afraid to start a relationship, it's been a long time since i open my heart, the last romance didn't work so well, someone i hope to be with, is marrying another person...i can understand why i being left, i've been busy with my family matter for too long time, took 5 years, i'm stuck with my family drama, when i ready to start the relationship, all i got is the wedding news. too late but i just let it go.. it was 3 years already, whenever other person come, i always ask my self, "is this something i want? can i hold someone by my side? build a family is not easy, can i? what if i can't be a good partner, a good parent for my kids in the future?" i start confuse and little panic to answer my own question.. my parents keep pushing me to get marry because of my age, i've told them my mental condition but my parents just don't care.. how come they're so selfish after pushing and hurt me with their ego that long time, and now they simply asked me to marry like my happiness is not important. how could i start a serious relationship like married when my soul is broken? I like kids, i want to be in love, i want to have someone to hold me.. but with this condition i'm just too afraid.