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A different type of depression?

User Profile: NameLX
NameLX October 22nd, 2017

I have suspected myself of having depression in the past, but after comparing my experience with others, It seemed safe to dimiss it. I mean, sure, some symptoms matched up but the main experience was very different.

When they speak of depression, they mention how they felt lethargic out of nowhere and how they had to muster a herculean strength in order to get out of bed. This is not the case with me. My depression made my entire body felt like it was drowning in insect, worms, to be specific. And the feeling was so strong and percise that every single time a worm got out of my body, I would feel more tired than before. (This is not some weird metaphor for my self esteem state. This is just how my body felt, physically).

I would start out fine. All energetic and in the bag, but somewhere around noon to evening, the worm sensation would return and I soon would find myself too tired to even stand or look properly. It felt like I was being tortured to death. I would usually collapse to the floor/desk and then pass out from the combination of sheer mind numbing boredom, disgust and overdone feeling of exhaustion. It was weird.

I would still feel all the textures disappearing and being replaced by something rough, like sandpaper. I would still feel the tastes vanishing and being replaced with a tasteless yet disgusting flavor, like mucus. I would still feel the air sour and breathing turn rough, like I was breathing posion. I would still feel the colors being drained from this world, before getting replaced by grey. I would still found living unbearable and the minutes indigestible.

But I just didn't feel lethargic in the same way.

Anybody else experienced something along these lines?

1
User Profile: LilGreenBird
LilGreenBird October 23rd, 2017

Hi there,

What you're going through sounds very uncomfortable, and I thank you for reaching out to share your experience. Depression (and any mental illness) presents differently in different people. Some people could feel a constant sense of lethargic numbness while others may feel anguish and fear. Some may even have depression with atypical symptoms from other disorders along side it.

Just because your experience of it is different from most people's doesn't make it any less valid. The best way to be sure is to work with a psychologist or psychiatrist to figure out if it is depression as it could be some other mood disorder that's making you feel this way. All the best!