Depressed Boyfriend (age 28) that doesn't want help
Evening all
I'm after some advice.
My boyfriend of 9 years stopped talking to me at the end of May. For a few weeks I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't respond. We live together and after several weeks of living in the same house but not being acknowledge and him sleeping downstairs I finally gave up and started to look for somewhere else to live, the anxiety and atmosphere was too much.
I found somewhere and slowly started to move stuff out of the house. He mentioned to a friend that he knew I was leaving. I was informed of this and approached him asking why he decided to stop talking to me? if he wanted to break up? He said "The morning I stopped talking had nothing to do with you, I woke up more depressed than I had ever been in my life, I didn't know what to say" so I asked why he had continued not talking to me and he said "I didn't think it would go on this long, but it's not going away, this is who I am now". Boy did that take me by surprise. I offered help, I told him I'd do anything to help him through this but he rejected it all. I asked him what was to become of our relationship and he said "Do whatever, it won't make a difference to me, I deserve this". I've told his mum, she's going to try and get him to see his doctor soon.
I'm due to move out in just over a week and I'm now terrified. I thought he was doing this because he didn't want to be with me anymore and didn't know how to say it (wouldn't be the first time) but it's something so much bigger. He's said he's happy I'm moving so he can have some space to work out what's going on, but I'm scared of him being alone right now.
Does anyone have any ideas on what I can say/do to help him through this? Has anyone had any similar expierences.
I love him and don't want anything to happen to him but I'm feeling like I'm the last person he want's to talk to.
@Hanzzii
Honestly you can't do much at the moment.
Is true depressed people feel hoppeless, however, getting help deppends on them. Let's say you could drag him to therapy, what's the point if he doesn't want it?
Depression is the most selfish illness ever. Depressed people are in too much pain and don't care what is going around them (this coming from one).
So right now you can't do anything.
We can't force depressed people to change. Is something that has to come from them.
When he asks for help, open your arms and be there.
Meanwhile let his mother handle it. See how things go.
If you suspect the situation gets very serious (possible suicidal thoughts and/or attempts from him) call someone that is specialised on mental health, maybe like a hotline.
Eventually when (and if) he gets into therapy, try to aproach him gently about it. Maybe ask how the sessions were, if he feels more relieved, etc.
p.s- I'm genuinly sorry for what you're going through. Can't imagine the stress and pain. You're suffering for two. Sending you lots of love.