Depressed Friend, How do I help?
My friend keeps on telling me that she's tired and depressed and doesn't want to do anything anymore and that she hates herself. I don't know what to do, please help.
Be there for her. Listen to her. Ask if there's anyway you can help. Don't leave her alone but sometime she needs to be alone, just let her be. That's pretty much all you can do. I had went through this situation and always wanted to tell someone but I didn't. My friend is fine now, at least I hope she is. You don't really know because in depression usually that person has to solve on their own but it's good to have someone beside. It's going to take time so please be patient with her. Don't get angry or frustrated at her because she can't help what she feels. Offer her some advices but don't try to tell her what to do. And if it gets worse, tell someone. You can not handle it on your own. It's good that you care but don't let her problems affect your life too much. You might be the one who's hurt in the end. That's what happened to me.
@Phoenixism
I feel so burnt out at the end of the day, because she gets even worse when I leave her alone. She's not my only friend and I try to be there for her but I can't. We're not that close, and I personally don't like getting too close to people. I think she thinks it's her fault. She tells me all these things about her and what's going on in her personal life, and I don't know how to respond. I can't relate so I can't say "I know how you feel" because that'd be lying. I just stay quite most of the time, try not to judge, and change the subject because it makes me uncomfortable. I'm sure she thinks I don't care, but I don't want my life to revolve around her. She doesn't think she's depressed, and she doesn't want to burden her family. I keep telling her otherwise but she won't believe me.
I'm sure she knows how you feel. Like she knows that you have your own life and she's not the only friend you have. But like she can't help it. Like she needs someone to be there for her. In this case you should confront her. Tell her that you can be there for her but not all the time because that's not possible. Say that you'd listen to her but like not all the time because you have your own things going on. I know the burden when someone tells you things and you don't know what to do with them. I think you should tell her exactly but not exactly how you feel. Like don't sound bitter, don't say it like you're sorry for her. People hate that. Just tell her that if she has problems or anything she can tell you, but you know not the repeat things over and over again because it's her problems not yours. You are not allowed to help people with their mental illness if it drags yours down. And when you see her, say hi like normal friends don't ignore her or give her look so she won't feel like she's alone. I think she needs to understand that she needs to be comfortable with herself and should not need someone to keep her happy. Like I said the person who is depressed needs to get better on their own. There's just so much you can do. Don't make her problems your problems. Your life should not only revolve around one person no matter how bad you want to help them. Introduce her to this website, where people are there to listen to her. Don't make it seems like she's bothering you even though it is. Depressed people are very sensitive. Just be careful while choosing your words.
@Phoenixism Thanks mate, this actually helped me a bit. It took time, lots and lots of time, but I think it's getting better. Either that or she doesn't tell me anything anymore. It makes me feel kind of guilty, I guess, because I know that whatever I'm feeling isn't even close to what she's feeling. And I'm guessing talking helps her? And I just kind of took that away from her...But you're right, I'm not strong enough to carry the both of us, but I don't know if she knows that. But your advice helped :) Thank you
The best thing my friend did for me was to just be herself and carry on as if everything is fine. Do what she normally would do and say what she normally would say. Until I tell her otherwise. Her just carrying on like normal made me feel like I wasn't a burden on her. It helped me a lot because I wasn't afraid to be with her. It was just like always, which was good. And when I did want to talk, she listened. And when I needed to be alone she wasn't offended.
Never be afraid to suggest they get professional help too. As someone who has lived with this disease for years (it runs very heavily in my family too) there is only so much support you can get. Sometimes medication IS an answer. I would be a wreck without mine. Some people need both medication and support/therapy in order to get better.
First of all, it's great that you want to support your friend through this! Some days will be worse than others for her, so on some days, you may want to praise her for seemingly little things. As, sometimes it is difficult for someone with depression to even get out of bed. She will have many negative thoughts, yet don't get annoyed at her for them - she can't help it. Instead, help her through it, change the negative into something positive, give some motivational quotes and some things that she has to look forward to in the future. Let her know that she is not alone in this. Good luck :)
@SilverWaterfall
She never believes me. But thanks for the luck, I'll need it :)
