Doubting Depression?
I thought I was depressed and I keep on struggling with this. Sometimes I feel numb and empty but sometimes I feel so full of emotions. I have suicidal thoughts, no motivation, and feelings of worthlessness. However, there are times when I seem to get "better" and feel really happy spending time with friends or something. I keep on doubting myself. What if I don't have depression and am just more sad than others? What if my brain is just making this all up whether it's for attention, being able to pity myself, or something else? Plus Google said you could feel suicidal but not necessarily be depressed. Does anyone know if I'm depressed or not? Even if they are speculations, anything will help. Thank you so much!
@LuminousSea I feel like I can relate to this a lot.
Thoughts about how maybe I'm just looking for attention (even though this is been going on for so many years now and I've always been like a hawk when it comes to hiding my stuff from people) or how other people must have it worse so I'm not allowed to have depression or anxiety, that I'm a drama queen or that I'm just using it as an excuse for laziness.
Recently I've started to really accept that I probably do have depression. (or at least anxiety of some kind) At the very least I know that something isn't right. I mean, I'm not sure how anyone could look at how my life is in any detail and not think the same.
@Dizzard I really can relate to what you're going through although around a year ago I realized something wasn't right (I think I had depression for around 3 years, but it might've been minor or not as bad because I never gave depression a second thought, despite my constant suicidal views) and so it's quite recent that I've put myself under the label of "depressed" (even though it doesn't matter because practically no one else knows) but even after I sort of "claimed the title" or whatever, I haven't been comfortable with this and I've always been struggling with this sort of thing. It's oddly comforting to know other people feel the same way.
@LuminousSea hi. sounds to me like you are depressed and it also sounds like you are willing to accept it. DON'T this is not healthy emotion. go over ands over in your head about your positivness. go out and do small good deeds for people. they can be as simple as a kind word or a sincere compliment to a stranger. then see how you feel afterwards and when you start to come out of that ugly cocoon, you will get angry at the thought that you have gave anyone or anything that kind of evil power to make you feel down on yourself. you will want to scream--B.S. i am unique and i deserve to look into my mirror and see nothing but beauty, and when you pray ask for the gift of inner tranquility. i wish you well and many rainbows
ss
2
