Feeling Disconnected - sorry for the long post

Hi everyone,

This is the first time that I've really reached out and shared the way that I'm feeling. I have a lot of people who support and care about me, but I still don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I hate trying to have serious conversations with my friends about my mental health because I hate to be a downer and we have so much fun together. Their job isn't to be my therapist, so I don't expect them to sit and listen as I talk about my symptoms and everything that's bothering me. I also am cautious to share how I'm really feeling with my parents since I've just left for college and I don't want them to think that I'm not handling the change well. Before I graduated high school, I had a couple of conversations with my mom about how I felt anxious, had difficulty focusing, etc., and I ended up talking with my doctor about my feelings. My doctor helped me set up an appointment with a mental health professional, but the appointment was a few weeks out and by the time it came around, my mom told me to cancel it because it didn't seem like I needed it anymore. I know cancelling the appointment isn't her fault because I'm technically an adult and I could have followed through regardless, but it was really hard to keep the appointment after feeling invalidated that way.

Now I'm in college and things have been going pretty well, except for the past couple of weeks I have had a lot of trouble focusing, having motivation to work out, do homework, and hang out with friends, and I generally just feel checked out of all of my activities. My most troubing symptom is my general inability to focus of stay involved in conversations. It's hard to explain, but it's kind of like when you smoke weed and everything feels disjointed. I simultaneously feel like I have too much stimulation and not enough all at once. It makes it really hard to understand lectures, write essays, and participate in discussions. When I have conversations with people, I find myself on the edge of not understanding what we're talking about and I accidentally bump into people because I'm not totally aware of my surroundings. It's kind of making me feel hopeless that I won't feel normal ever again. Does this sound like depression? And does anyone know how to manage these symptoms? I'm hoping to see campus counselling services soon.

Thanks.