Guilt for getting support
Im helping a friend of mine breaking out of her depression. But she's getting increasingly guilty about the support im giving. I don't worry about her that much, but no matter how much i say that she still imagines she does worry me.
I've broken out of min, so all im really doing is telling tips that helped for me. But being guilty about getting support wasn't something i ever dealt with, so im comming here for tips.
She's never really gotten much support and is ofthen bullied, so i might be giving too much support too quickly... but yeah im out of ideas.
Ohh yeah, and she's never really had a good experience with therapists either. So kinda feel the suport does have to come from friends.
Ask all you want, i'd be happy to tell.
@decisiveLunch8294
I've helped somone who needed support but felt guilty for needing it, and have felt guilty myself, so I'd say:
They know depression isn't "normal" and potentially feel like they're dragging you down with them, It's hard to accept help and to think that anyone would be "happy to/enjoy" helping them and they may not be used to the idea of someone caring so atribute it to something negative.
I would recommend taking it slower, It can be overwhelming to have somone come into your bubble like "You can do this, this, and this other thing! I love you, drink enough water, mwah <3" [exagerated for effect] and be pressuring to get better faster so as to not need that help.
With my friend I ended up going more roundabout, with more support in what they have gotten, respecting their boundries and helping them recognise the boundies they're entitled to (human decency, the right to leave, and the right to say no), and more questioning negative assumptions/internalizations then outright advice.
When they're giving you an out, be clear you're doing it because you want to, not out of obligation or pitty, unless you're not, in which case you should think about that.
And ofc, respect your own mental health when helping anyone.
@AM2Wondering cheers that really helped actually. But i'm afraid i'll have to ask another question since i never felt this guilt myself, and never really have gotten bullied or degraded in a way. getting someone elses opinion is really valueable.
It seems no matter what i say or do, she's kinds locked in seeing her self as worthless. which gets her bullied (if you see yourself as the worst person on earth and accept bullying it's easy for others to bully). I've tried explaining this is just a part of depression and at the very least she's human and should be treated as such.
I just wanna know if you have anything i could tell her to... stand up for herself, and give whoever's doing it some form of consequence for their actions.
It's a difficult question, expecially since im the only one her who really knows her (though im trying to ger her to sign up atleast). If you have any more advice i'd absorb that like towl on water.
But again thanks a lot. I really do wanna help her since helping others i've found out is the best way to give myself a better sence of worth, and if there's someone in need of some help it's her.
@decisiveLunch8294
Unfortunaly the little bullying I suffered in 3rd grade was mostly solved when I broke down in tears in the middle of recess and my bullies comforted me. (It was a very odd event.)
But, this https://www.7cups.com/bullying/ and other help guides found here https://www.7cups.com/supportGuides/selfHelpGuides.php might have something useful for you.
