I just want the pain to stop

I have been in this terrible mental health cycle where I get the worst anxiety I’ve ever experienced and then a 2-3 day I will be so depressed I can barely get out of bed. This has been going on for about a year. A lot has happened in the past year that has detrimentally changed my baseline mental health, but I now feel like I’m so deep u can’t get out. I’ve been in therapy for about a year and I never really felt like they understood me. So I go through the motions with her and I know what I can do to help then but it never works in the moments. So on the outside I look like I’m getting an A+ in therapy, but on the inside I feel like I’m dying. Now I’m not going to do anything stupidly permanent, but I just want to figure out some way to run from the daily pain just for a moment so I can think.