I need serious help. *TRIGGER WARNING*
I've been dealing on and off with self harm and suicide, but no one or one person knows, but I really don't want to tell them how severe it is. (Touchy subject read with caution). I fear I am a danger to myself and need actual therapy! Problem is that my family can not afford therapy at this current time. Any help/advice?
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*edited by forum mentor @rebecca947 to add trigger warning in title and edited post to remove triggers. Crisis Info can be found here*
@sincereOcean5846
thats very courageous and very brilliant of you to reach out.
i can understand that you are suffering a lot thats why you may be feeling suicidial.
therapy may be an expensive option for you but you can consult a Pscyhiatrist and please do that or must call any crisis support helplines. you can search on google on suicide helplines and they can support you in this crisis. Samaritans is what there is one of them by name.
Any Psychiatrist can really understand and get you and help you very much.
besides that you can get a lot of support here on 7cups. it is a wonderful community. you can get help in the form of talking with listeners. there are many here to help and guide and you can also join communities here.
please dont act on the urge or impulse on the suicidial feelings. these come to many people suffering from depression. but please know that you are a valuable person and you are worthy. we love you so much and welcome you here. we are with you.
thanks for reaching out.
@sincereOcean5846
Hi, I am not the best person to guide you on this subject matter. But I am writing nonetheless because youve shown immense courage by speaking on this matter. For the same reason, I want to let you know that I care for you. (Yes, I don't know you nor do I know your story but YOU MATTER).
I am happy to read that you yourself recognised the need for professional guidance. However, I am truly disheartened that you cannot afford it at the moment. But there is still hope. Yes! If you cannot afford professional guidance, try and seek aid from helplines (such as the one mentioned by ToughLion8324) and open forums such as 7Cups. Yes, I understand that this is not enough. But this is something. This is a great start.
I don't know how much you have researched on this subject matter but if you are unsure of what to do, take baby steps. One task at a time; one emotion at a time; a single instance of appreciation and so on. I will elaborate that a bit: on days which are difficult for you, appreciate yourself for stepping out of the bed or taking a shower or gathering courage to talk to a friend (even if it is a general conversation); on days that you feel low, treat yourself with a thing you'd like to eat or wear; or dress up in general. Our appearance (i.e. clothes, colour choice of clothes, hair-do, accessories, etc) often enhance our mood (or work counter productively if you choose gloomy colours; Having said that, keep more bright colours in your closet, avoid colours like black which is gloomy or colours like red which denotes rage as well; check your playlist or favourite shows/movies, and replace all sad ones with motivating and cheerful ones; take up a hobby and work on it. Also appreciate the minutest of progress that you make; make a list of all things youre grateful for and all good memories you have and keep them handy. Refer to them as often as you can.
If you want to talk about your emotions, I as well as numerous other awesome Listeners are ALWAYS here for you. We are just one message away. Incase, you have tried the above and it is not working for you, do write back. Together we will try to figure out what may work for you.
Stay blessed! You're an amazing person, and don't you forget it! 
P.S. Based on what you've written, I sense that you are forcing yourself to be happy. If that is true, I would recommend that you do not shy away or run away from your emotions in a manner in which either they're blocked or become overbearing. What I am trying to say is do not let your situation scare you. Maybe you're apprehending the worst and that is making you want to stop your thoughts and emotions altogether. But, it won't stop drastically. So, try to see that, understand that, and try to accept that. In this way, whichever overwhelming thought may come to you, you do not run from it but you acknowledge it and allow it to go away on its own (or atleast not scare you or have a major impact on you). Do not force yourself to feel happy. Accept that you are in a sticky situation, and look up things or people that'd make you happy, and feel that happiness. Also, if you have bottled up emotions, try and find a healthy outlet (such a creative outlet or even allowing yourself to cry it out, if you haven't).
Take care and know that the best is yet to come. Stay strong until then.
