I never told anyone about my problems, AMA
Hi all!
For about two years, I struggled with a couple of problems which mainly centred around depression.
I'm now completely recovered and have been for several years, but I never told family or friends about how I was feeling and the only professional help I received was from anonymous online counselling similar to this, but with trained counsellors.
A lot of the people I've spoken to on here are reluctant to tell family and friends about their feelings, so I thought this might be a useful post to have.
So, yeah, ask me anything :)
Do you think it would have been easier if you had told others?
Why did you choose not to ?
Are there any circumstances where you believe it is necessary or essential to tell others ?
Do you think it would have been easier if you had told others?Probably, as I always found that talking about it (when I did so online) made me feel so much better, and less alone. I always thought I was weird for having these problems, and hearing that there were others like this and that there was a way out really helped. But at the same time, once you've told other people, it can be hard to get away from it. I have friends and friends of friends who have told people about it, and I know that even though they've been better for a year or so, they're still viewed with labels - 'the girl who cuts', 'the girl with the eating disorder', 'the boy with depression' and so on. I don't know if having those labels would be healthy.
Why did you choose not to ?A big part of it was those labels. I always believed that I would be able to get better, and I didn't want to end up stuck with a label that would stay with me for a long time. I was also worried about being judged for it, or treated differently and so on. I chose not to tell my family because we're very close and they trust me a lot, and I felt like telling them would almost destroy that trust. I know that sounds paradoxical, but I felt like it would make me seem in their eyes like this strange unpredictable person who couldn't be trusted. Yeah, I don't think that makes sense, but I'm not sure how to explain it.
Are there any circumstances where you believe it is necessary or essential to tell others ?Yes, there are. Like I said before, I always believed I would get better, and I always wanted to. I think if you don't see a way out, or you don't want a way out, you need to tell someone so that they can help you want to get better and help you get better. To be honest, I think it's always better to tell someone. I often felt lonely and trapped by the fact that I hadn't told anyone, and sometimes I felt like I would go insane from keeping it all to myself. I think even just telling a friend so that you're not alone would be so helpful. But I think it's NECESSARY when you don't want to get better or don't believe you can.
Hope that helps :)
Would you consider telling your family now, or in the future, since you've been feeling better for a while now?
Probably not, no. I feel like even if I said I've been better for a few years, in their eyes I would still be volatile and likely to relapse, and I don't want them to worry about me or change the way they view or treat me. Although it was hard to do it alone, I'm glad that the repercussions aren't staying with me in the people around me.
That's understandable. Thanks for answering! :)
Thank you for sharing your experience. A lot of times with depression people will isolate themselves and develop fears of letting people in their "darkness." Was that how it was for you?
I think you will know when the time is right to share your experience with your family and or friends, if you so chose.
Thank you again for sharing and being here.
I was really just scared of people seeing how I really felt and what it was really like, and making judgements about me based on that. So yeah, I guess it was like that. I isolated myself so no one would work out what was happening, and I was afraid of letting people see how dark things had really gotten.
It actually feels pretty good to talk about it here though :) I feel like it was long enough ago that it's ok to talk about it now.