I've survived depression AMA

Great questions, Miracle!

Caveat:This is only what worked for me. It could be completely wrong for another depression sufferer. Everyone is different.

What helped me get better

A combination of lots of things. The most important for me personally were: 1) medication (Fluoxetine), 2) lots of quality sleep, 3) daily exercise, 4) learning to be compassionate to myself (and other Buddhist ideas).

Am I concerned about becoming suicidal again?

Partly. I'm trying to take one day at a time and feel grateful for every day I am healthy. I have learned a hell of a lot about managing my depression, so I'm cautiously optimistic that I can avoid going back to that black place. But, it might happen.

How can listeners best assist people struggling with depression?

It's actually really similar to how you would help anyone. Listen to their story, be supportive and understanding. Do not judge them. Don't give advice or try to "fix" the person. Empathise and be friendly.

Do I believe any positives came out of my experience?

Hell yes! I have helped other people with depression because I can relate to their experiences better. I am a better person now than I used to be. I have better Emotional Intelligence (though I am not perfect), and I'm much less judgemental. I now understand myself much better. I now know what I want and what makes me happy.

How did my gender affect how I was perceived as someone struggling with depression?

Interesting question. Lots of men are very concerned with being perceived as weak because they have depression. I realised very early on that what other people thought didn't matter - and I could educate people who didn't properly understand depression. I now see it the same way asa physical illness like a broken leg. You are not considered weak if you have a broken leg, and I'm not weak because I have been depressed.

I have to admit that I'm quite lucky - I've always been comfortable with my feminine side. I don't care about being macho. In fact, I'm often a bit like JD from Scrubs :)

I hope my answers are useful. Feel free to AMA more!

Hey Noasu. Great questions. I have thought carefully about them.

What lead to your most recent depressive episode?

I had been taking Fluoxetine for about 8 months and wanted to see if I would be OK if I stopped taking it. My GP (doctor) recommended a very gradual decline in dose, but I just stopped quite quickly. Within 1-2 months I was depressed again, but in denial. I couldn't really see it and I kept telling myself I was OK.

Is there ahistoryof depression and/or suicide in your family?

My mum was an alcoholic (she died a few years ago) and sometimes I wonder if she was depressed. Her sister (my auntie) was also an alcoholic. On my Dad's side, one of my cousins killed themselves about 3 years ago. I do think it can run in families, but whether that is nature (genetics) ornurture (upbringing and society), I'm not sure.

Do you have a history oftraumaand abuse?

No, not really. When she was drunk (most days) my mum was a bit of a bully to my brother and I, but I don't think I'd classify it as abuse.

Do you feel you have certain traits that made yoususceptibleto depression?

I have a tendency to be too self-critical. This may have come from having a verbally abusive mother. These days, I am much better at being kind to myself.

Did you ever feel discriminated by Professionals?

I didn't tell my last employer that I had depression. I was worried I might not get the job, or that they would treat me differently.

Does living with depression effect who you let into your life?

I have always been a very open person, I seem to like and get on well with 90% of people. When I am very low, I isolate myself and don't like to talk to anyone, even really good friends. But when I am well, I love connecting with all kinds of people.

Would you ever getinvolvedwith somewho lives with depression?

I assume you mean romantically. At first, I was offended by this question, but actually it's a good point. The first thing I would say is that depression affects everyone differently, so don't make judgements before you know someone really well. I used to have a girlfriend with depression - it was too difficult - I think two people both with depression can be very bad together. But if one of you is depressed, and the other person is mentally well, I don't see a problem. Also, don't forget that some depressed people are only badly depressed for short periods of time (like me) - most of the time they are mentally well and healthy.

Did you share that you were depressed and suicidal with anyone? If so, how did they react?

Yes, I first told my best friend I didn't want to live any more over 10 years ago. He tried to be understanding, but he didn't know what to do. In the last 2 years though, he is much better at helping me. I also told a counsellor - she was helpful.

Define Depression in your own words.

God that's hard! It makes me... not me any more. I don't enjoy the things I usually enjoy. I can't see the good in life, or in people. I feel miserable. I want to die. I have no motivation. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm much more likely to get into arguments with people - I get upset/hurt more easily. And I become very self-critical.

Can you name any famous people, past or present, that you know lived with depression?

I really admire both Stephen Fry (bipolar disorder) and Ruby Wax (depression). They are both very clever, articulate, and comedians, and open about their illnesses.

How is the stigma of mental illnessperceivedin the the United Kingdom?

I'm not totally sure. I think in recent years it has started getting better, but there is a very long way to go. Campaignslike TimeToChangehave been making a big difference.

Does the NHSprovideadequate service to those suffering with depression?

Yes and No. My current GP (doctor) is excellent, very understanding, empathetic and helpful. But I have had terrible GPs before, and I know many other people have too. The biggest problem is the waiting lists - I waited about 8 months for CBT, but I was mostly better by that time already. The counsellor's I have seen have been pretty good, but usually people need to try a few to find one that works. For a totally free system, it is excellent. The yare just under incredible financial pressure. Oh yeah, my local Mental Health Crisis Team are absolutely useless. They are not person-centred at all. They made me and my wife feel very angry actually.

What does recovery look like for you?

I have a lot more energy and motivation. I am sociable and outgoing. I have a good sense of humour. I enjoy multiple hobbies. I like myself again.It's funny though, every single time I "climb out of the pit", it feels like it is the first time I have done it. I learn and re-learn many things about myself and about depression.

How has living with depression and beingsuicidalshaped your worldview?

I decided that I didn't want to live unless Icould find a good reason to live. At first, I though pleasure (hedonism) was the answer. But very quickly I realised that was not enough. Now, I live to be happy. I like lots of Buddhist ideas. My purpose for living is to be as happy as possible, and help other people to do the same. I find that when I am happy, everything in my life works better. Lots of people say, "I will be happy when I get a new job, or move house, or get a boyfriend/girlfriend." But... I think that if we can be happy *now*, no matter how bad our life seems, then our lives get even better.