Need Advice & Support
Hello all of you darling people.
I need some support, and general advice really.
ive been with my boyfriend for 2 sweet years and have a beautiful and bright future planned for us.
Only concerns right now is the he has major depressive disorder. It has been a tough battle, for the both of us. He's worked so hard and I couldn't be prouder of him. The strength it must take to shake off grip of depressions tight hold, honestly he WOWS me every day.
He hasn't had a 'Pity Party' for a while now ( it helps that we give his dark times a name) and he had one last week. Things can get pretty brutal between us, I get hurt that he's said hurtful things, and I say horrible things back.. the usual cycle. I'm a nurse, and this of course makes me feel terrible, but sometimes a girls got to defend herself. He can have a very sharp tongue and it can sting!
last week he said he wants to die, just randomly when he was having his pity party. I don't believe that he's suicidal, or would harm himself or others. I'm just at a point now where I'm like..
"yo, don't invite me to the pity party, talk to you another time."
and thats all I can manage with him now, and it makes me feel awful. I need to protect myself, but I want to be a supportive partner.
Has anyone got any ideas on how to support him best? Coping techniques that we can bring into our relationship?
tnanks in advance 💜
I dont have a complete reply for your whole situation, but for making the "want-to-die" statements, I would nip them in the bud. Dont tell him he's "bad" for saying that, but let him know that those kind of statements are very serious and should never be said in jest or metaphorically. Depression is a deadly illness and there's no way to know when someone's joking or serious. so tell him if he really is feeling that way, you will accompany him to ER or an inpatient treatment facility and support him all the way. but you will not allow him to drop that line on you without doing something. If he actually did harm himself, those statements would haunt you the rest of your life ("he SAID he wanted to die, why didn't I take him seriously!?!")
@sunnyWhisper65
I myself go through a great deal of "Pity Parties". I know I can be more than mean and entirely difficult to handle during those times, and I always desperately want to drag myself out of them but many times find myself falling in deeper to what just feels like a literal whirlpool that won't let me go no matter how hard I swim.
I go through the suicidal idealogy the same way it sounds like he does, where sometimes even if I don't mean it, the only thing my brain will tell me is "death would be better than anything right now, it's literally the only option", and I know how badly it hurts others for me to say it out loud, like he has with you, so I fight my hardest against it.
With myself, sometimes my pity parties just need to have some space. A little distance from other people while I work my way through those awful thoughts. But at the same time- and this is the very most difficult part- is also needing to know for sure that, when I do need someone to talk to, I'll have someone there to listen to my pity party and help me through it. The difficulty is finding the balance. Which pity parties need a dark room and a good cry alone, and which ones need a long chat about why we might be feeling this way and what we can do to stop feeling it for the moment.
If any of this sounds properly familiar or helpful, please feel free to ask me more about it. Take care, and I hope the two of you are able to work on getting to the balance you need together
