Question

Is it normal to think about suicide every day at least 20+ times a day. Everything reminds me how bad my life is and that I'm better off not alive all I do is think about suicide and make ironic jokes about how I want to kms. It doesn't even feel like that big of a deal to me anymore suicide to me feel a like something that isn't even bad anymore. I feel like I have become so used to feeling this and not caring about myself that suicide would feel normal at this stage. Also I gotta say to people that say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When you feel like this being a alive is not a temporary problem it's permanent torture