Weird Episode about Suicide
Hi all,
I am new here, joined about 20 minutes ago. I just had a live chat and it was very good, so far the standard of the helpfulness of this forum is 10 out of 10! I started worrying about something that happened two years ago yesterday. I am just going to state that I am not suicidal at the moment, nor have I thought I ever was. I can never imagine myself taking my own life, I'm not like that. I was just turned 15 at the time, it was in September 2013.
I went up to Dublin (Capital of Ireland)for the day with my friend, Scott, because we were going to the Macklemore concert. It was the day of his birthday.We were drinking, a lot and we started queuing up when the gates opened. I was extremely drunk, I can only remember little flashbacks. Anyways, we didn?t get into the concert, because we had the wrong tickets. I don?t remember much about it, but I was way more drunk than Scott, and he decided that we should just go home. I was the most drunk I had ever been, pissed off, frustrated and sad, but mainly, just drunk and sad. We were on the bus home, and I still was unbelievably drunk. I started crying, saying it was all my fault. I was in between a group of friends at the time, and he was closer to them than me, he had a better relationship with them, and that made me jealous and sort of sad. I was crying, absolutely balling, drunk as fuck, saying things like ?I should just slit my throat?, absolutely weeping. I had never been suicidal as I know if something was wrong I would talk with someone, and not take my own life. I had not once in my life contemplated killing myself, nor have I to this day, almost two years on. I would never resort to suicide, which is why I started worrying yesterday as to how and why I was like that? For the last two years I ignored it as I just thought it was the alcohol mixed with a really bad event. I didn't think any more about it and just carried on with my life, and sorted my life out friends wise.I?m worried now about those thoughts I had back in September 2013. I tend to obsess about thoughts, having OCD I?m almost certain. I have dealt with HOCD over the past year or so, and am much better than what I was.
I'm scared I was suicidal at the time. Until now i just thought I was way too drunk and just sad. I'm not suicidal now, nor do I believe I was around that time.
Can anyone explain as to why I had thoughts like that?
Thanks so much :)
I have had this happen to me, the thing is that your mind isn't in the right state of mind and some emotions are heightened which is probably what happened, you hear about how people commit suicide when they are unhappy and so a part of your mind probably processed that as one option and so when you were drunk, your mind processed that you were dad and that is an option. Due to your state of mind that was the response but a person who is impaired, although speaks the truth is not in a state of mind to make a decision like that so, DON'T WORRY! Most likely it was just because your state of mind was not at its best and due to that your mind processed that information. But it does not mean that your suicidal. Just means your brain is aware that people do this as part of a solution to a problem which is not a good way out. :) I hope you feel better!
