Me ranting, I suppose.

Hi, everyone. This is just me ranting.

Ive forgotten what it’s like to feel joy, be happy. I’m asking myself, “have I ever felt joy? Have I ever been happy?”. Because I just can’t seem to remember what its like to feel joy, be happy.

Ive tried so many things to make myself feel better but nothing seems to work. I feel empty. Completely empty.

Life feels like a fever dream, none of this feels real.

Its like I’m standing in the middle of a huge crowd of people and they walk past me quickly. Like in big cities.

I thought that trying to get into a relationship would get my mind off of this but I ended up hurting that persons feelings. I didn’t mean to, I promise. I thought that I liked them but in actuality I didn’t. In all of my hopelessness they were like a faint light at the end of a dark, long tunnel. An illusion.

Ive realized, that no one besides me can make me find that light at the end of the tunnel. I’ll have to get trough this on my own. I know I will but it’s so hard.

Theres also other people making it harder for me. I’ll just try to ignore them. That’s probably all I can do.

After all this time moving in backward directions, I will take a step forward.

Ive got little to know motivation but I won’t sit around and any longer and do nothing.

Thats it for now.

To anyone reading this:

YOU GOT THIS! KEEP FIGHTING! :)