A Page of Misfortune from the Life of Aster*

When it has been years of enduring it and coping by myself. one day at lunch break. I felt scared like my life was in danger. I felt like I was getting into a darker place and if I didn't ask for help I might not be able to help myself anymore. I went to the School's Counselor and I regret it everyday til now that I did. I finally had the courage to go. Yet the words that was said to me in short was "oh there was a kid last year who had it worse than you" "its no big deal" "its all in your head, just be happy" and then just ignored me. Just chatted with their coworkers. That was two years ago and it still haunts me. My parents do not believe in depression btw. The pandemic has finally broken me. Barely eat, lethargic, just blank. Basically unable to do daily activities easily. Everyone yells at me. I've become the scapegoat of everyone's problems at home. I'm just numb to it all by now. Now I think "maybe I shouldn't have let myself vulnerable back then" "kept my facade and ignored my feelings" "Im pathetic. Everyone's right" "what happened to me. Im just a disappointment" "why cant i get better" Im basically hibernating rn haha and just feeling detached. This is just one of the rare outbursts that i feel the ache and need to tell someone. All this programs at school every year about supporting each other and mental health. Just formalities? (Hey if you're reading this. I hope you keep on striving. We just have to keep going ig. <3) *