Depression ,Anxiety , Overthinking

The problem is that I can't trust anyone anymore, I'm afraid to trust people. I've been stuck in the past for a long time, when I was little I always tried to make everyone happy and satisfied and I still do.But people were never satisfied with me, I gave them so much importance that I approached them with the same love and compassion, even though I never got anything in return.Nobody knew my worth a few months ago, I was once again screwed by the people I trusted and loved. Seriously, is being kind and pure in this period called stupidity? I just stopped self harming myself a year ago and everything was fine but I feel like everything is rewinding again.I don't want to self harming myself because I know if I do this again I won't be able to quit for a long time.Actually, I am not an antisocial person, I am a very social person at school and outside, if you see me from the outside, you will probably think how happy and fun I am. But at the end of the day, I'm always on my own, no matter how much fun I had that day, at the end of the day I realize that nothing is real and it's just a few hours of fun.Right now I have a friend whom I am sincere and I believe she cares about me, I really love her.She never judges me, we have been friends with her for a long time, but these days she also has problems, she always consults me on such matters and talks to me and I give her advice.At this time she also asks me what my problem is, but I prefer not to talk about my own problems so that she doesn't worry about me.I feel very bad so I want to go to a therapist but I don't know how to explain this situation to my family I'm afraid of their reaction I'm afraid they won't take me seriously.And on the other hand, I'm afraid that the therapist will judge me and not believe me.I can't find a way out for myself. I feel like there is nothing that binds me to this life, I want to end myself but I'm afraid to even do it.Sorry for writing my feelings so complicated right now if you have any advice that can help me please give your opinion of that.(And by the way, sorry for my bad English)