Depression

I feel godforsaken and sorrowful. Every day I wake up with the same prospect of ending it all. My day for the last four years, or even before, was to stay all day in a confinement in my room. The problems I have are many. My grandmother is schizophrenic and I've lived with her for as long as I can remember. She has always treated me unsatisfactorily. My father was always choleric and I found out several months ago that my brother used drugs.Everything is chaotic and I don't see any point in continuing to live in this hell.There's always the same story, they've tried everything to improve, and I always come back in the same deplorable state. Everyone in town has known for a long time that I'm like this. I see no motivation to continue nothing makes me want anything else. There's nothing that can make me feel better, because I know I'll be back in that state. Psychologists really didn't help one bit, and I don't intend to go to one again.I just don't see any future, no perspective, everything is pointless. I know everything they do to turn this situation around. I know the automatically programmed words to say that everything will be fine.

None of this managed to make me change. I feel that my future will be infinitely deplorable. In a completely deplorable situation. I just can't take it anymore.