Exhausted

Hi. I posted this on another chat but thought I would make my own thread. I don’t know what to do. I never share my real emotions or tell people what I’m feeling and for so long that was fine, but for the past year, especially with covid, I feel like I’m slowly sinking and no one knows how I feel so no one can help me. If I would talk to my parents they would say that I’m overreacting and that there are people worse off than me, or they would just care about themselves and be angry about my emotions because they’ve done so much for me. And my “friends” don’t care. Like why would you want to constantly be around someone who’s sad and talk about feelings rather than just be with happy or even neutral people. I also want to go into a career that is basically you’re in it and amazing at it and can make loads of money, or you don’t at all, and I feel like I would be the latter. So I won’t make any money. So what would my life be if I stay alive? Poor, lonely and sad? I don’t want to live that. I’m just exhausted. Anytime I speak to someone it’s not me, it’s this character I put on - someone who’s happy and interested. And then when they leave, I become the real me. I cry all day curled up in my bed, I binge eat, I scroll endlessly on social media because I feel like that’s the only thing I can do. My friends aren’t real, my grades are dropping which makes my parents get angry, my siblings are better at everything than I am and I’m always compared. I’m just so so tired. Plus I don’t want to live in such a bad world. Why is everyone so mean and why do they just care about themselves?