Feeling hopeless
I don't even know where to start. First of all I'm so stressed but I'm too numb to actually be able to feel the stress if I know what I mean. I'm from the UK and I'm currently in year 13 and I'm failing at life at school at everything and I feel so hopeless. Next year I'll be going to university and I have to move out of my toxic and emotionally abusive household and I don't know how I'm going to cope with that or how I'm going to afford that. I have never been shown any physical affection from my parents and are extremely extremely controlling for example they block my access to the Internet they choose my friends etc and I'm almost 18!!!!. I have so much religious trauma from my parents also. I feel like there's a huge hole inside of me and maladaptive daydreaming has taken over my life I genuinely feel like I'm a shell and have no personality whatsoever I'm so depressed yet so scared to get help can anyone help me
@hellozineb123
Hello! Sounds like you have a lifetime of stress, and on top of that going though a huge year at a school plus big changes and decisions ahead of you.
I love how you recognise so much of your situation and can label and acknowledge it. I have experienced some of those things but had no idea at the time, I only learned years/decades later. Remember it has taken 18 years of programming (i.e. your role models and how they treated you) for you to get to this point. It will not be an instant fix, but you can untangle it all and learn new skills to get you to where you want to go.
I think feeling like you have no personality at all is a common response to being raised this way, I had the same thing. When I was living away from family/controlling influences I gradually learned to choose my own interests and activities and I gradually learned how to 'be myself' (and yes there was a self/personality hidden in there!). We can learn and practise new habits, when we don't have the daily presence of people criticising us for who we are and controlling us.
Do you have a counsellor or therapist to talk to? There are usually some free ones available, at school/university, or phone/online support lines. It can help a lot to have someone experienced help you through that process. Big hugs!
Trust me, I know that numb feeling too well.
