Idk

Idk if it depression but I feel like I can’t talk to people and open up about feelings. Or more like nobody will listen I don’t talk to my mother at all it’s to the point where she don’t even want me in her house. She say I’m disrespectful but I just want her to say sorry about some of the stuff she did too me. The only reason I have a smile on my face is because I do smoke weed heavily. I seen this lady beat my sister to the point her husband had to stop her. She kicked me out the car cuz she hit the crib when I was eating and had to go to work. I’m not tryna blame her for how I feel but I can’t stop it and I don’t think I could ever full heartedly forgive her. Also I lost my job because I wanted more than 7.75 been working there for 3 years and they hired people after me for 9 and 10 . I just feel like crawling into a ball and hiding somewhere far from my life. Half of my life I thought about killing my self. But my sister just had a baby and I want to be there for him. It’s like whenever somebody ask me for something I have to do it but when I ask for help to fix my life I get rocks thrown at me. My dad at one point kept asking me what I’m going to do in the long run as a career. But I don’t even have my license to drive and my mother doesn’t want to teach me.(Dad leave in different state) I didn’t tell him that I told him every time u call u ask about that I’m try. Everyday I filled out applications just for my mother to tell me it’s to far and I should get a Job that I can walk too but she will take my sister and pick her up if she asked. Sorry for making it this long.