I feel like I have no one (mild trigger warning?)

I added a trigger warning just to be safe.

I think that everyone hates me, there's so many reasons why they would, I'm annoying, I'm stubborn, I think I come off as needy and attention seeking and so many other things so I don't blame them if they do and lately my closest friends (we met online 2 years ago) have started to distant themselves from me and I feel like I'm not good enough to have them as friends but whenever I think of the memories we had together I start to cry, that probably sounds stupid and cliche but it's true, they were pretty much the only thing that made my life worth living and without them I feel like I have no purpose and because of this I've started to fall behind on school work and have stopped eating because whenever I do I start to feel like I'm gonna throw up. It's causing me to feel extremely depressed and have dark thoughts, I just want to talk with them again but I feel like they get annoyed whenever I do.

Sorry if this sounded like a rant, I don't wanna burden anybody.