I'm exhausted
This is my first thread ,I'm 16 years old ,,,I'm feeling really lonely, depressed and low ,it has been 10 weeks I'm feeling in such way .The words other people taunted me still haunts .they say I'm stupid, dumb, asshole,loser,etc. I'm suffering from family issues since I was 6 years old, my mom-dad fight a lot ,a lot means really a lot .My dad was verbally abusive to me and my mom was emotionally abusive to me ,she used to vent out her anger by beating me and dad really tortured me by his abusive words, swearing, etc till I was 13 years old ,,they stopped doing that all to me because I begged so hard them to stop ,to don't involve me in there fights ,and I used to lock up myself in a room . they stopped involving me ,so those 2-3 years was the best . but the trauma that I got from these family issues and judgemental people stayed deep within me because I'm facing it when barely I was 6 -7 years old kid and now I'm 16-17 years old ,a whole one decade so those wounds have set deep in me . When I told mom that those memories still haunts me ,I feel overwhelmed and drowning in pain .She said don't over think nothing's wrong with you ,we have given you everything ,don't waste my time I'm busy. I felt so helpless first time in my life . I thought mom-dad you've given me every material necessity that I wanted ,you given me everything what I wanted -like expensive clothes, food, shelter,money but you never given me what I needed... I needed them not to verbally and emotionally abuse me ,I needed them to spare time with me and still wish it,I want them to notice my fear,sadness, the scars on my wrists but they never noticed it ,mom-dad they never care about how I am ,how I feel .All that they care about is there fights ,abusing me and staying busy in work and recently planning divorce.. I feel really depressed I lie in bed for days and week.I want my damn self to disappear ,why do I even exist ? Is it ever gonna change ? I pretend to be fine but I feel like I'm wearing fake mask.. Its a war that I don't want to win😔😔😔
Hey I know completely how u feel because I have experienced the same but lose hope on living please and u wanna talk about it u can talk to me no ones gonna judge .I know its really and I am happy u shared it .oh man I don't know why I have tears in my eyes after reading this .