Im hurting
Where do I even begin to keep it short... Im 17f (only child) trying to find guidance. From a very young age my mom has been out of my life well to be more clear chose the streets over me if you know what I mean :/ From age 5 to 11ish my abusive stepmother came into the picture & completely destroyed my childhood. After she left my uncle passed away he was killed by hand.. right after him my tia passed away from drugs. Ive lost 4 of my cousins to overdose, Last year my 21 YO cousin ended his life with a double barrel shotgun... Over the past 5 years I had my innocence ripped away from me by people who I considered brothers 3 different times... I have major flashbacks of it feeling like I was there in that very moment feeling everything.. I just feel extremely alone right now.. May I ask how does one push themselves to move forward after all this trauma causing me anger, depression, anxiety. I fear my depression keeps getting worse burying me more and more with this heavy boulder on my back?? I dont know what to do anymore im at a loss
@CurlyTripp
Hey CurlyTripp,
First of all I want to say, I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. I understand being 17 and trying to find guidance in your life. I'm sorry to hear that your mom chose something else over you. I'm sorry to hear about your abusive step mother and how she made your childhood miserable. I'm sorry to hear about your family and all the losses that you had to experience. I understand how painful it must be forever. I'm so proud of you for pushing forward even when all of this happened. I understand the trauma the flashbacks the nightmares you have from all the trauma you seen and experienced. I understand why you feel alone right now. It must be so hard for you to be happy after so many losses and so close to each other. You just have to live day by day. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring. But being able to fight the battle. I understand you don't know what to do and that you're depression is getting worse. It makes sense and it's weighing down on your shoulders a lot. Knowing that none of this is your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty. It was their choices after all. And I'm sorry you have to deal with the consequences of their choices and others people choices in life that caused you immense pain. I understand your anger. The rage you have inside you. Wishing you could help the people and stop them from what happened. I know talking about this isn't easy and I'm glad you were brave enough to trust 7 cups with this. I know it's scary not knowing what tomorrow will bring. But know that you're a survivor!!! Not a victim. It may be hard to see light in the dark right now but it's there. There will be better days ahead. This feeling is only temporary. Please take care of yourself and mental health and you really seem you need to self care. Your well being and safety is very important. I hope this message finds you healthy and safe. If you want to talk 7 cups and I are here. I hope you feel welcomed here. Knowing that your feelings are valid and safe with us.
- kindcherry2
