I need advice/quick vent (TW: s*xual abuse)
17F, dealing with chronic stress from parents since middle school + nervous system shut downs.
My mother and I rely on the insurance my father provides from his job. I have two half brothers—father hid that he had a child 6 years before I was born and had another affair with the same woman 1 year prior.
My mother took her wedding ring off ever since. They're still married, same home. She doesn't know that he's still actively talking to her—s*xting, too. The other woman lives in Nigeria, where he is visiting now. I know he's seeing her and in the process of building them a house in Nigeria. If I revealed it to my mother, she'd freak out and they'd probably end up fighting until she moved out, without insurance to pay for her mandatory insulin and other medications.
My father molested me when I was in middle school while we all were asleep in the same bed. Twice in a row. The next day he acted like nothing happened, and I never brought it up to anyone. I know he did not mistake me as my mother. You can not slip your hand down a gown.
Mother is narcissistic, worships her own opinions, and weaponizes my vulnerability. Screaming, cussing, petulance, blatant ignorance, derogatory advances, and physical and emotional abuse. I admited I do not feel loved or cared for to her recently, and she felt insulted. She saw my SH scars a couple of years ago and her first response was how they didn't look pretty and how she worried what my future partner would think. Whenever she yells, my brain shuts down, I forget things, and my mind goes blank.
I do not feel safe emotionally or physically at home. If I tell anyone, my father will most likely go to jail with having relations outside of the U.S. and abusing me at a young age. CPS would get involved with my mother. I will graduate to college 2027. The pain from constant stress, degradation, and hopelessness eat me alive now, and I know it will continue to do so then. I am carrying the burden of my parents decisions.
What do I do? Who should I tell?
@tealNorth2433
😔
I'm so sorry that you have been through all of this.
And you are still going through it.
And you are suffering and struggling.
And battling all of this on your own.
That's so overwhelming.
I really hope that things settle down for you and you are able to find some peace 💛
I hope so, too! The issue is compartmentalized until I'm reminded what *** parents I was matched with at birth, haha.
Thank you greatly for your kind words and support. Blessings 🙏
@tealNorth2433
You're dealing with so much, I won't dare to say I know what you should do, because I don't.
I still feel as though I need to tell you, you're worth it, no matter what. It's especially hard when the whole world around you is not treating you as such, our brains try to explain it by making us the problems, when we're not.
Perhaps it doesn't mean much if you're not religious, but I prayed you will find safety and happiness in your life as soon as possible. I truly feel for you.
You deserve the best, may the universe bless you <3
I deeply appreciate your compassion and support. I will make it a habit to remind myself everyday that I am worth it and that I am more than the aggregate of my ill circumstances.
Honestly, I've compartmentalized my parents' behavior in such a way that even reviewing my spiel evokes apathy. I am religious, but I have not reached out to the Lord to ask him for guidance. In my mind, the sort of prayer that requests guidance involves patience and humility, yet I am not rounded on expressing that with my parents.
For now, I do not intend to reveal my father's infidelity or injustice of bigamy to my mother. I believe that everybody (whether the partner is devoted or not) needs somebody, especially if they're dependent.
Thank you kindly for your prayer. I have just prayed for humility, guidance, patience, and forgiveness for not resorting to Him sooner.
Sincerely: God bless you, and I pray that you are safe, happy, and have the exact support you need. ❤️
