I need some help

I feel like giving up on everything my entire family want me to finish high school and get a degree and get a good job but I just wanna drop outta high school go make money and start a business and on top of that I'm a asshole to everyone I know and even tho I repeat in my head be nice be nice I just am a asshole and I dont get what's wrong with me I dont deserve half the things I have I'm currently going to florida in 4 day on a vk with my sister but I failed my grade and have to go to summer school so why why am I being treated like I did nothing wrong... When I was young I lived with my mother and after she gave birth to me she got addicted to pain killers from the pregnancy and then got into heroin when I was around 3 and I lived with her until I was 5 or 6 which wasnt terrible because I was blinded and my worst memory of her is when one day she was doing heroin and I walked in her room and asked her what she was doing and she said it's my medicine I know that doesn't sound bad but why would she say that so willingly. After I moved in with my dad I stayed just about clueless on my mother until I was 8ish where my dad wanted to talk about more to help me and it did alot but I wish I never knew so it wouldn't harm me(mentally) but my mother was a addict and that was that but she would always talk to me and stay connected for a week or 2 then just disappear for a month and all the sudden start connecting again with fucked me up a bit and when the pandemic hit she ended up overdosing on heroin and I hate myself for this but when my dad was in the living room telling me and my brother right after he told us I smiled and it was the first time I was happy in what felt like a entirnity and I hate myself for that so much what kind of kid smiles after hearing their mother died i hate that about me I don't cry about her death for 4 months ish until my oldest brother showed me her I'd of her he has and I teared up by seeing her face again.. my mother was a amazing person but a terrible mother she would abuse me and my brothers sell everything we had for heroin and more but she always always loved us and tried her best to do everything she could and she would make promises that I hope she wished to fulfill she never did but I really hope she did and it kills me when I think about this stuff even though it's "healthy" idk but thanks you for reading all of this and sorry for it being so long ive been holding that rant in for awhile.